So, this race is over and I do not think I placed as well as I wanted to. On the other hand, I learned a lot to apply to the next race. Don't misunderstand my intention, I still support and love my husband, but have begun talking about my future without him. It is what I have to prepare to do. If we have a future together, it would be what I want, but if we don't, I have to be equally good going forward on my own.
We had a text chat and I said that he might get a call because I am applying for dual citizenship to England and a J class visa to US for teaching. So, we chatted about the house and he said "Well, I think we have a lot of time yet" I replied "At least a year lol"
In previous conversations he seemed to think that I would be here for a while, that I would not look for a job elsewhere. I told him that while I would be happy to stay if we were together, we are not. I have no family and no connection to this place. And not for him to take it in the wrong sense.
I mentioned that I would like to go to X and he said if you go you will never come back. It is a place we both love. Maybe he is beginning to realize that he is not the only one with a life or potential for a new life.
I am not done with this relationship by a long shot. We are friends and still have an emotional connection (after 20 years there would be). But I am letting go of the phantom us and focusing on the solid me. I hope. My goal anyway lol. Can't guarantee perfection, but , hey, who can?
HaHa!! Forgot to say that I was hacking around with an old set of Tarot cards a couple weeks back. Kept pulling three Major Arcana (which always leads to upheaval and change) which is quite rare. Death kept coming up in Love lol, which just means changes on the horizon, but was always mitigated by strength in other areas. Who knew?
This week my goal is to focus more on my children. I have been very wrapped up in myself and H and our R (and his R etc lol) that I don't feel the kids are getting enough of my attention and they deserve more.
I think I need to get outside of my head for a bit!!
What are your plans for the kids if you decide to move? I am not sure of the laws where you're at, but everything I've seen prevents us from taking the kids out of state for more than 90 days without agreement.
Inside...good goal to focus on the kids this week...but don't get lost in there too...
As for the tarot cards...had mine read on Saturday, funny how the first card was house..so much of us focused on that...first time having my cards read...funny they were pretty believable...we will see though..."long awaited news" is the next on my list?
What are your plans for the kids if you decide to move? I am not sure of the laws where you're at, but everything I've seen prevents us from taking the kids out of state for more than 90 days without agreement.
My eldest will be at school in the city and living near his dad, we tend to boot them out early in this province (lol- not really, but since I am in country, he must travel or move to go to the next stage of schooling)
My H and I have spoken about this and he is fine with D coming along for a year or more. He feels it would be a great opportunity and we also know that D has option to return here anytime if things didn't go well wherever I was. Frankly, H loves our kids, but is not really involved in their lives. As he has said, he wouldn't give them up for anything, but if he could do it all over, he wouldn't have kids. And he never wanted a second child, that was me. So, while I know his commitment to them is 100% always, I am not quite sure that he is as connected to them as I am. I also was the SAHM while he commuted and only saw them weekends. Then about 5 years back, had an apt. in city (beginning of the end lol) and only came home weekends.
Long answer to your very short q BD, but I felt a little background was necessary to establish why it would be okay if I took D with me.
Originally Posted By: findingself
Inside...good goal to focus on the kids this week...but don't get lost in there too...
As for the tarot cards...had mine read on Saturday, funny how the first card was house..so much of us focused on that...first time having my cards read...funny they were pretty believable...we will see though..."long awaited news" is the next on my list?
No, I just want to give a little more back to them, they've been ripped off the past month or two. I promise I won't get lost I have too much on my own plate lol!! Picking up teaching days, finishing a course, painting bedroom, hosting a girls night, meeting colleagues for drinks...etc.
Tarot flipped up Judgement yesterday in Love....funny because it means that I am re evaluating the path I am taking and if I am to love again, I have to break with past . This is well after discussion with H and the admission by me that although I am not ready for a relationship, I am becoming ready to be loved, cherished and accepted for who I am. I pretty much want it all
I'm moving on myself. It's exciting! Sad, to truly detach and sad emotionally, but excited none the less.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Ya...it's a bit sad, I think, but I have to give him the space. I will still be friendly and react to all texts etc. Because even though he professes "serious" relationship, you would not have been fooling around with me, talking with me, seeing me etc, without GF;s knowledge. So, he needs some space to see what he truly wants and I need the opportunity to detach bit more. He forgets that I have received texts bemoaning the GF and neediness and her questions etc. (not often, but still there)
We talked about future (separate) but he felt the need to add in "Man makes plans and God laughs"
Ya...it's a bit sad, I think, but I have to give him the space. I will still be friendly and react to all texts etc. Because even though he professes "serious" relationship, you would not have been fooling around with me, talking with me, seeing me etc, without GF;s knowledge. So, he needs some space to see what he truly wants and I need the opportunity to detach bit more. He forgets that I have received texts bemoaning the GF and neediness and her questions etc. (not often, but still there)
It was scary, even with my H's horrendous behavior, to detach completely emotionally. You know what I realized? I want to have a great R with him because we have children. That is my end goal. But, I was skipping steps inbetween. Detaching, letting go, letting OW be his emotional support, etc. I need to process my anger, love, etc before I can have that great co-parenting R...if ever.
I do see you in a similar sitch. Your H is in a R with someone else, but you are allowing yourself to be an option. He has no idea what life would be like without your emotional R. I'm not saying for you to DO anything different, just think. My H is having a heck of a time and it's only been 5 days. I know I was afraid that if I truly detached...he's be gone forever. But, he is with someone else. That hell was worse than now.
Like I said, I'm not suggesting you do anything different. Our sitches are very different. Just some things I've come to see in myself the past 2 months.
We talked about future (separate) but he felt the need to add in "Man makes plans and God laughs"
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
to establish why it would be okay if I took D with me.