yes, I am afraid of doing the wrong thing... for years... because I was always told it was the wrong thing! So, this turned me into a person who would then ask for h approval first. That doesnt work either! Nothing works!
More blame for your H. You'll never be able to fix yourself as long as you keep heaping all the blame on your H. You said his primary complaint was the constant arguing and based on your description of the arguing it sounds like you spent a lot of time blaming him. You're still doing it!
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PON... don't you want me to post my "crazies here & not let him know about them?"
99% of yours posts are H-focused. "He did X, Y and Z, how do I respond?" "H did this today, is that a good sign?" "He said this and I said that, did I do the right thing?" The bulk of your posts should be about YOU, what YOU are doing to recover from this, how YOU are GAL'ing, how YOU are becoming a spouse only a fool would leave. I am STILL reading "more of the same" behavior every time you post! You're still coming off as the same needy, desperate, clingy person that is hanging on H's every word and deed!
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PON.. when you suggest that I stop discussing him, how can I ... when I have so much interaction with him that I am trying to process?
YOU HAVE TO QUIT PROCESSING THEM!!!! That is what we keep telling you! Quit the mind-reading!! Drop it! Your H is DONE with you! Your M is DEAD! You have to start the long process of building yourself into a better person, and hopefully that in turn will attract your H back, but we're talking many months of hard work first. Until then you just have to accept he is done and that hyper-analyzing every single exchange is time wasted and taking your focus from where it needs to be.
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My 180's have to include business
180's are doing the opposite of what you were doing WRONG before. So were you doing things WRONG in the business?
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most/all of our issues have to do with the business, because we weren't doing ANYTHING else, inspite of my requests for rel'p.
Still blaming H.
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One of my new/recent 180's are to recognize that I am trying to control this situation.
That's not a 180. Doing the opposite, IE, not controlling, THAT is a 180. "Recognizing" the problem is not a 180.
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So, when he is nice... I post here & am nice back... when he is distant... I post here & am giving space back... Is this not DB'ing?
No. You're responding to his mood swings. DB'ing is detaching from his mood swings, giving him space when he's nice and giving him space when he's distant and ALWAYS being nice to him. Detach doesn't mean being cold and distant. You're supposed to "lovingly" detach.
