Mana, Mana! Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo! Part 2

[Tallula]

Journal:

Good weekend. Drop off was ackward, he seems mad. Ha, let him!! Going dark will be hard for him, for me...I feel so much better.

I moved up to 3 days a week at work and I've started telling people we are separated. Feels good not to be hiding things. I had this huge weight on myself. What if they figure it out? That he is a cheating jerk? Well, not my problem to manage. Not my actions, these are his consequences. I will not protect him any longer.

So I had allued to the start of our problems last year. My really close friend came to me in december 2011 and told him that H confessed a crush on her. She said that since then, it spiraled into a weird deal, and she didn't want it to come between us, but that they had a horrible email back and forth and that she no longer wanted to be around him. H and I had been fighting about her and how he hated her for months. I didn't understand, and when she told me it all made sense. I confronted H and he said that NO, in fact she was flirting with him and he told her to knock it off. No big deal, she begged him not to tell me and then he just started to hate her....blah, blah.

Well, for me, I was very upset with him for lying to me. I didn't understand why he wouldn't tell me after all the problems it was causing he and I. But, I stood by him and our friendship desolved horribly. She was hostile towards me, etc. It was horrible because our boys were best friends and she and I are fitness instructors together and it was super stressful on me all last year.

Anyway, this weekend I went and spoke with her. I wanted her to hear we are separated from me. It went suprisingly well. She sobbed and hugged me, apologized for taking her anger for him out on me. She said she completely understood why I had stood by him, but that due to the exchanges they had...felt that this would happen. Not ALL the crazy, even that suprised her.

I'm still processing it. We plan to have the boys hang and she has already texted me today about helping in anyway and how much she has missed me. She also understands that if we do renew the friendship, I would need to keep it on the super downlow because H would LOSE HIS MIND!! At least until we are D, or he has accepted we are over. Which, he hasn't right now.

I've been pretty sad, but I am also excited about my future.