Thank you for stopping by. I wondered how your meeting went and will stop by your thread later.
If you are like me, that conversation will be playing like an annoying radio in your head. I am trying to ignore the sound but it is still playing.
What Snodderly said in my case is true; he is still covering up (or trying to cover up) the lies and has not really owned up to the destruction he caused. So it really is my turn to try to heal myself from the destruction and that is proving way more difficult than I ever thought possible.
Contacting him, whatever my excuse was NOT true to DB'ing. This conversation definately pushed him away which of course, is the mantra of the book - do not push away. These are the nuances I wish the book was more clear on but I guess they are things we need to figure out ourselves.
I wanted to text him this morning, just to see if he is OK. But I am resisting. After all, he is not worried if I am OK. But more than that, he needs to think about what it will be like to lose me and I really need to begin to accept that this relationship is over. Really accept it.
I do wonder if that will be the last time I speak to him. That does not seem to be MLC script but anything is possible. Right now, my intention is to wait until he contacts me. Because I have other things that need to be done that are in my control to do.
Despite the corner I have turned, the continued acceptance that the person I knew is gone, I am still not DONE. And I wonder if I did not screw up an opportunity to at least keep the door open a crack for continued contact with him? This is a constant battle inside my head. I believe that he did need to know that I may not always be here (although I am still surprised that he did not already know that).
