Sorry you are sick. Yeah, it was a rough weekend. I'm still getting the silent treatment. Nothing has changed. I want to kick myself for expecting anything at all. I feel like walking out the door now.
I remember a few times last year when you were in the "silent treatment" phase....and as I recall, she usually made the first step towards you and ya'll made up. Perhaps if you give her some space, she'll do the same again.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Of course, you have the right to get upset with her....but we both know by now that it doesn't do any good to voice those thoughts. It takes away energy you could use elsewhere, and it doesn't improve the stich at home. Also, when it's over, you just kick yourself for letting yourself go to that "ugly place".
But.....
How much patience does one person have?
I wish I had the magic potion for you. Hang in there.
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Well, you were right sort of. W was speaking to me again last night. You might say she was even chatty. I will never understand this. Doesn't talk to me for two days then just picks up like nothing happened. God forbid we discuss what it was that upset either one of us...Just ignore it. SIGH......
Of course, I'm still not allowed to talk much. My job is to listen in an appropriately subservient manner... I think that's my role for the forseeable future.
I did get the garage cleaned up though. Finally. I still have a bunch of stuff to haul up into the attic. For that matter, there's a lot of stuff in the attic that needs to be thrown out. Maybe my next project....Hmmmm. YS sprained his ankle last game so he's not playing tonight and I need something to do.
Starting to feel like I'm a broken record. Things at the house are really getting me down. W shows no inclination of wanting to move this R any further ahead than it is right now. She comes home, usually doesn't even say Hi. Sits around with the dogs for a while...maybe talks about her day, then goes into her room.
I'm not sure this is better and I have no idea how to get her off the dime. I realize that for her, moving back was a big step, but she told me she wanted to work on the marriage. Since then, nothing. I can't even bring up counseling, her medication, doing anything together..it just sets her off or shuts her down.
If I go out or do anything on my own I get smarta$$ comments from her on how she's used to me not being around since I never was before. Then if I say she never wants to do anything she says it's because she's not used to it since I was never around before???
JS, I can't get my H to talk much, but there was a time that he told me he was working on the R by just spending time with me. Eventually he started spending more time with me. I don't know if that's what's up with your W, but it's one possibility.
I know you don't want to hear about having MORE patience. Is it time to seriously consider the alternative? You do have a right to have your needs met in a relationship. You have a right to expect a better quality of relationship.
Still, I don't see you taking care of you in all of this. You still seem overly concerned with what she is going to do. She can not be your whole life, especially if she's going to carry on this way. I think it would help if you got out a little more. Met a few people. How about starting dance class again? She may not go with you, but you'll get out of the house and be with people. Of course, most normal wives wouldn't let you go alone, so maybe it will get her out of the bedroom. Maybe...
Yes, I am feeling much better and more like myself. Still a little tired and having trouble eating, but so much better. Thanks for asking.
As for you, I don't have much to add at the moment, but I wish I did. I do think Z gave you some good advice regarding the time for you and where you place all your focus. So what if she complains about it? Maybe you'll get her attention. That is a jealous woman you know.
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
JS, Another thought... have you tried asking her nicely what's going on. I mean a nice talk, like you feel a sad (or hurt) that she doesn't seem to want to spend time with you and seems uncomfortable talking to you. (Use your "I feel" statements.) Let her tell you if you're imagining things or she's mad or she's depressed or whatever the problem is. If she starts screaming at you then you'll know she's still not ready to work things through. If you can, get to the point of asking her if there's something that you can do to make things easier for her. You might even recommend going to therapy again, but only if she's ready.
I think it was my reaction to my H's silent treatment that pushed us toward going to T. I got sick of him clamming up everytime we had a disagreement, so I started pushing him to deal with me. Of course, I was at the point where I didn't care if he walked out and didn't come back. It wasn't terribly constructive, but it got the point across that I wasn't about to stay in the same house with him while he brooded in silence. We either had a resolution or a truce, but no silence. Later my T had a better idea. She recommended that we cease the argument and set a date to deal with it when we weren't angry anymore. We haven't had any real arguments since, but it seems like a good idea.
Ellie- I have been following UD and Meredith's threads..or at least trying to. They are pretty active and it's difficult to keep up sometimes. I like the Bob Barker theme, although the continued references to Finding Nemo are a little disturbing.
Z, I think she will say, if pressed, that she is working on the R by spending time with me. The problem is she won't say it unless she's pressed and I'm not allowed to press. So I'm really just guessing. Also, even if I got her to say that, she'd never express an opinion on where we'll be in the future. Absolutely no commitments. Nor will she listen if I try to tell her I'm not getting what I want out of this R.
I do want to get out more but I've been pretty busy. YS has games twice a week, D comes in almost every weekend, and I'm trying to get the house ready for sale. That's tough too, since I try to get W to pick up her stuff and she always takes it as criticism.
She still has boxes all over the place from when she moved back home, and she never did put stuff away that sat in our bedroom for the year she was gone. Now she's taken over one of the kids old rooms and has stuff packed in there too. I casually mentioned that I want to get the house appraised and get the realtor in here at the end of this month but it hasn't really got her off the dime.
As far as telling her how I feel, nicely or otherwise, I try. I ask if there is anything I can do? Anything she can do? Anything she wants us to do? It's always a one word answer..."no". If I press, even a little bit she goes off, throws up the old "I've put up with your cr@p for 20 years speech", or just says "I can't talk about this right now." and leaves.
She never answers when I ask "When can we talk about it?" It's weird. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who just acts like you didn't say something if they don't want to address it?" She just moves on like if she ignores it, it will go away.
I'm trying to wait this out until I move this summer. Heading back to a job where I'll be working with people I know and like. Getting out of this town to someplace where I don't feel like I have to drive an hour to do something will help...whether she comes or not.
Until then, I feel like I'm biding my time...or trying too.
I think that's my role for the forseeable future. 
