Not confused...trying to move forward...

[BRNR]

Thanks Beatrice & Snodderly. I am not sure that I anticipated what happened yesterday. It was more of the same, and honestly put me back in the mindset and hurt of the initial and subsequent blows, but I do feel that I am working quickly through the feelings. So I am hoping that three times a charm and this will be the last time it affects me to this extent.

I think it was a good conversation in that it explained a lot to me and where I really stand with my H. It was an awakening so to speak. While in their twisted MLC ways, I know we are told to not believe anything they say, but it hurts and feels real all the same. And I really do believe what my MLC'er says...

I agree to get the finances in order, just after this final blow, my head and heart are not in the game today. So, I am going to take steps today to start untangling our finances gradually and then work up to the support. I feel the decision to do so is coming more out of anger right now to stick it to him, and I need time to see it clearly and/or be forced in to the position to do so. I was originally going to do it today, but because it is the day after, I don't feel that any good will come of it, I know this will anger my H, and because the papers go through within a couple days, I really am not strong enough emotionally to have another talk with my H about it this week. But it is my short term goal for the next 2-3 weeks.

I am physically and emotionally wiped at this point. And I think I may be coming down with a cold or the flu today, which doesn't help matters.

I don't think there is anymore that I can give to this situation or my H. So, back to some periods of long rest for me...so I am physically and mentally healthy for the new challenges that lie ahead.

As for him liking the ow...that's normal. They do not have that "in love" feeling of true genuine love w/the op during mlc. They are teenagers once again, so they really don't know what love is except that they are infatuated and the hormones are racing for a bit. They generally look at the other person as a pal/buddy or I have pointed out many times, a f@@k buddy, nothing more. They can't be alone for long periods of time and they need this buddy to help keep them distracted, thus the partying, etc.

I do agree that this sounded like where my H stood, but I find that so strange....throw away everything for nothing...

Well thank you everyone for your kind words and thoughts and prayers. Things are definitely going to get better, as I now feel I have hit my rock bottom, and now it really is time for me to start controlling my life as best as I can.