Eight 12 year old boys, one five year old girl and a 12 year old man trapped in a 44 year olds body. Wow! A huge chocolate cake, 3 extra large pizzas, and two games of Lasertag. Kids had a blast. I think even H did. Normally I take care of everything with these parties but I kind of sat back and let H play host. I let him take care of the bill and gratuity and all of a sudden money is no object. He even played Lasertag with the boys and by his own admission he didn't know what to do and he got eliminated by someone half his size almost immediately. I was glad he had fun though. I could see there were moments he was uncomfortable and almost couldn't even perform basic functions. It was reAlly strange like something was disconnected. Odd. Then I saw moments of clarity where I looked at him and I could see H. The real H. It was brief. Ever so brief, but I could see the flash of real H in his eyes. Is that possible? Am I imagining things? It doesn't really matter, because it doesn't change reality. But for a moment I saw the non-alien. I cried all the way home. Not sure why, but I saw what I thought was gone. A laughing, loving moment like we used to share. Then I remembered. Our relationship wasn't a lie. It wasn't fake. It was real and I was sad for what used to be and what isn't any longer.
I feel like I am in mourning all over again. But, it's all part of the healing process.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I'm glad the party went well and your h had a wonderful time. I'm sure you're tired, but happy for your little one.
No, you didn't imagine that your marriage was a good one. Whenever you are down, pull out those happy memories and allow them to give you strength to get through the day. Please do not allow mlc to fog up your glasses from the past.
Enjoy your day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Snodderly. I know you've been there so your advice is worth its weight in gold.
So there was a scheduling conference between attorneys and the judge today. My attorney told me I didn't need to attend, but Joe decided he wanted to be part of the proceedings. According to my attorney, the judge told him his attendance wasn't mandatory, but H insisted and it torked off the judge.
Apparently the judge wants this case done right and wants the parties to take their time and do the property division correctly. H's lawyer wanted to push everything through to get things done in 30 days, but the judge said that wasn't feasible so he said 60 days to get the finances in line. Our next pre-trial court date isn't until August. AUGUST! H is steamed. He called me and practically begged me to work with him to get this thing expedited. Hmmm...he went on and on. He is panicking. I wanted to interject "Gee H, if you would just listen to me and work with ME on what I want, maybe I wouldn't need a lawyer to protect my interest" but I didn't waste my breath. H also went on about how much money we are spending on the lawyers and how we could have paid off all our debts by now. I again wanted to say, "Gee if we would have stayed married, we maybe would have all our debts paid off, idiot".
It kills me how he cannot or will not see that he is the cause of his own demise. He is his own worst enemy. Yeesh.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Yep, he is his own worst enemy and he is too blinded to see that.
Apparently he doesn't listen very well. The judge has already stated that he wants the property settlement done correctly. It's too late now for you and your h to try to work things out in order to "rush" this along. August is 4 months away and anything can happen between now and then. I know you want this over and done with, but it is better to do things slowly and accurately so that there aren't any mistakes along the way.
Hang in there. He's going to be crying the blues for quite some time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Something else to point out. It's not just you he is angry at and not listening to. Now there is a judge to add to that crew. See? It's not you, WH
You can't help him WH. You cannot and should not, expedite anything. I would never recommend torking off a judge. You're in the chute to do things the way the judge asked for them and need to follow through. Regardless of what H says or tries to do. Try to remember that. It's an advantage that you are not the bad guy here and that you have no say in the matter. It's not fun, but it's a good thing for you and your L. You have a smart lawyer.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Yes my lawyer is brilliant. Heck of a nice guy too. Not your typical lawyer. He's really a down to earth guy.
It just floors me that H is getting a "reality check" by all these authority figures and yet he still is clueless about what's really going on. When he was venting to me all he kept saying over and over was "how this is going to affect me" "me" "me"!!! So it's all about H. It's always been all about H.
He called me four times today regarding this situation. He left the recorder by my bed and asked me earlier if I had listened to it yet. I said no, it's S's birthday and I've been spending time with the kids. He practically begged me to listen to it. I am not doing it tonight. He's just a pain in my arse.
The bank also sent a letter that we are past due on a payment and we are being sent to collections. H called to share that good news with me and I told him I made that payment. He argued with me so I called the bank to get to the bottom of it. Long story short I dropped the payment off in the drop box and the branch never sent in my payment to the corporate office. The woman I talked to was very pleasant and accommodating and she apologized and said there will be no late charge or collections. I thanked her, took her name and number and tried to call H who didn't answer the phone so I said heck with it. When I talked to him later tonight he told me the bank called him (which I don't believe) and apologized profusely and told him everything was straightened out. He made it out that the bank was practically begging for his forgiveness and that he was going to call them tomorrow and give them a piece of his mind and make them sign in blood that we are not liable for a missed payment. Now that's how to won friends and influence people.
What a macadamia.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Wh - I hope this makes you smile. After our divorce and financial settlement there was a snafu which resulted in some papers not being sent to a fund manager. This impacted on me. When my xh found out about it he decided that this was my lawyer's fault (actually it was his lawyer and the Court) and he wrote to her to demand that she apologise to me! [She forwarded the email to me, greatly amused]
This from a man who cheated on me in every possible way, and was as mean and nasty as it is possible to be for several years prior to, during and after the divorce. But apparently no-one else must cause me any inconvenience. You cannot think down to their level.
BTW prior to MLC this was a super bright guy. During MLC his brain turned to cornmeal, and he still isn't as smart as he used to be BUT he actually made a good joke last week.
It just floors me that H is getting a "reality check" by all these authority figures and yet he still is clueless about what's really going on.
And then again... not? I mean, if he "got it" you wouldn't have this going on, would you? Instead, this is the process of him "getting it". If he ever does of course.
You can't make this stuff up. Affairing down, thumbing their nose at authority, making dumb decisions, dressing horribly in search of their style, the uncomfortable acne and smell, the awkwardness, thinking only of themselves, etc. Almost like being a teenager....
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Well I didn't hear from H all day. I almost expected him not to come home tonight, but he did. Oh yes, he was in a marvelous mood tonight. Not. Barely even spoke to the kids. That's odd even for him!!
First of all he goes off the deep end about the soccer schedule of games and practices for S. He just can't believe how much there is. Uh, hello. It was like that last summer and the summer before, H. You were just never around so you had no clue. Then he goes back into the issue of the bank and the missing payment that was figured out and resolved by moi. He gets on his soapbox about how he needs to make sure that issue is removed from our credit report. It can really screw with our credit, blah, blah, blah... I told H it was never on our credit report. They said if we hadn't made arrangements with them they would take it to collections. Well that's not what she told me, he says. It's right on the paperwork, H. In black and white. You should like that.
Then he talks about how there is a conflict with the kids because both kids have something going on at the same time tomorrow. Hello. Welcome to my world. He almost asked me for my help and at the last minute decided not to. So you don't want to admit you need help or you don't want me to think you need help? Or you just don't want help from me? Ha! Not as easy as it looks, is it H?
He spent the rest of the night in his room. I guess he fell asleep. Kids and I ate dinner, played Twister, sang songs, played with the dog and took baths. He just kept his miserable self in his room. Poor H. I hope he does not expect that from me on days that are not mine because I will be dammed if I am going to cloister myself in my room like a hermit just because he's an @$$. The judge and GAL said themselves that is not what the purpose of this arrangement is.
D went in his room and kissed him goodnight and he had fallen asleep in his work clothes. He is a pitiful, pitiful man. He must have had a rough night. Svcks to be him.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Welcome to your world! Reality is smacking him in the face w/the kid's schedules. LOL!
They tend to fixate on issues, especially if there is money involved or their credit rating. You've explained it to him not once, but several times...just leave him be. He'll either figure it out or give himself an ulcer in the process.
Poor baby, fell asleep in is work clothes. Sounds like he had a hard day. Yes, it does suck to be him.
Continue as you have been.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
