Yes, there is bitterness and blame. I guess dishing out what I have received but not nearly what I have received.
That anger is masking pain. Someone recently posted on here (sorry, can't remember who it was) that it's easier to live in a place of anger than a place of pain. That is so true. But it is a whole lot less productive to live there. It damages yourself and all those around you. Try to find other outlets for dealing with the pain and let the anger go.
I think anger prevents us from recovering from pain. It instead perpetuates the pain, it keeps us from working through it and getting over it. A lot of people on here have asked me how I got to a place of acceptance and peace so quickly, and I think it's because I never did get angry about my sitch. I was in a tremendous amount of pain, but I was never mad. I think we bounce back a lot faster if we can keep anger from taking over.
Thanks all. You are right, I know. Just difficult. I guess I am bitter from all the bitterness and blame thrown at me. I did talk to my d's about helping with new place. So many variables, finance and custody battles to deal with to picture it or commit on something. A house is not a home, you are so right. Road trip? I will if I can and timing works! Sounds cool.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
detachment means you don't get bitter from bitterness thrown at you. you have the control over whether to be bitter, and it's your choice. hard stuff but things I have observed.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Then she is not detached with her anger and bitterness? House sold last night. Move date Aug. 1.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
Plans are hard to do...no custody agreement, no financial settlement. The court case is not until July 26. My L needs to put in an urgent motion and at least get custody settled before May. May need to rent something in the meantime but still all depends on custody agreement. I appreciate your input BD, I get you. I really do. It is hard though.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
I know it's hard Floyd, you don't know what you will need in terms of a place (ie who has custody, what it will look like), but I think Breakdown means you need some plans for you. A plan that can be put in action regardless of custody of kids or where you live. How do you plan to live your life? How do you plan to be in your kids' lives? Even if, let's say, you don't have custody, it doesn't change the kind of relationship you want to have.
And finally, what kind of relationship do you want with W? I know it is really hard to think of that right now, but what kind of man do you want to be?
These are things that only depend on you and not anything else. These plans.
Then she is not detached with her anger and bitterness?
Right! This is the irony, often the WAS is still VERY attached to the LBS! It is not at all a healthy attachment though. I think a large part of the "give the WAS time and space" approach is so that the WAS CAN detach, because once they're able to detach from us they can start to see that we're not the root cause of every little problem in their life.
Right! This is the irony, often the WAS is still VERY attached to the LBS! It is not at all a healthy attachment though. I think a large part of the "give the WAS time and space" approach is so that the WAS CAN detach, because once they're able to detach from us they can start to see that we're not the root cause of every little problem in their life.
Thanks AS, that puts into perspective as well, for me, why H, with another woman, feels guilt for me. That I am still the cause of him not moving forward because he "needs" to make sure I am okay. Food for thought.
Right! This is the irony, often the WAS is still VERY attached to the LBS! It is not at all a healthy attachment though. I think a large part of the "give the WAS time and space" approach is so that the WAS CAN detach, because once they're able to detach from us they can start to see that we're not the root cause of every little problem in their life.
Thanks AS, that puts into perspective as well, for me, why H, with another woman, feels guilt for me. That I am still the cause of him not moving forward because he "needs" to make sure I am okay. Food for thought.
Wow, that is all heavy but I think so bang on.
Road trip? I am in if timing works well. That would be great.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
