This is all still very fresh, Mr 2.4, so you're feelings and sense of defeat has been felt by everyone else on this BB early on. Just know that it gets easier as you go along. It's like your life is a snow globe and W has given it a good shake. It will take some time for things to settle before you can see things clearly and start to realize what your goals are.
At any rate, it's still far too early to decide to give up completely, especially since you are still working on the core skill in DB: detaching. W happy = you happy, W sad = you sad, W angry = you angry. Detached: W happy = you happy, W sad = you happy, W angry = you happy.
When we lovingly detach we are able focus on ourselves and our responses to a situation. That's because detaching also applies to ourselves: rather than respond in an automatic, emotional matter, we bypass the logic parts of our brain that would otherwise think, hey, this is not an effective response because it will only get W upset and push her farther away. In this way, by being detached, we're able to respond in a calm, reasonable way, using validation and demonstrating concern for the other person's feelings that will make the other person feel valued and cherished.
It's a tough skill to learn and jeebus knows I've made mistakes with it in the past during my whole sitch, but it's absolutely fundamental to working on restoring a positive, mutually sustaining R.
So get to work!
M41 W42 M 12 T 15 S10, D9, twin Ds 3 1/2 BD 1/2/2013 Living as roommates Working on D agreement w. mediator 5/13
