Time to roll up the sleeves

[mrtwopointfour]

So at first I thought Limbo was not a good place. Now I realise its actually a way if having time to work on myself and work towards saving R. Problem is W is sprinting to finish whilst I am pacing myself for the Marathon.

Here is my last thread.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2333524#Post2333524

I had a bad week last week. Thanks to everyone for being there and supporting.

To sum it all up. W is still acting as if this is what she needs to do to be happy. Can't see at all that unhappiness has come from many triggers in her life during our marriage which are nothing to do with me. I know my errors and am facing them as part of my 180's.

W is stronger willed than me at the moment, and no longer showing signs of remorse, guilt, or doubt. She is a bulldozer ploughing through everything that has been to get to where she needs to. This to me is the hardest part, as it feels like this has come from me following DB technique, which to her appears as the green light.

I need to detach, I have to a certain extent but keep falling back - so not there yet. I need to continue to GAL, and not let this slip. Mostly I need clearer defined goals and ensure my changes are for me not W. up to now some have been for W and this is why I had a bad week.

So I am going to start this thread with my latest goals. Please feel free to comment on them - I am struggling with finding the difference between what is classed as a change, a 180 and a goal.

Main Goal:
I will become a better person for myself and by doing so I will become the person my W fell in love with. She will be become attracted to me once more, and fall back in love with me.

Goal 1:
Maintain a PMA and act as if. Even when feeling hard done by, tired or down. Ensure 180's are adhered to and balanced with GAL.

Goal 2: 
Concentrate on the listening to W really listen to each word and remember every one for future conversations. W is very quick to point out when / what she has told me and this is something she is using to confirm her unhappiness with me.

Goal 3:
Deal with  W's discussions about future better. This will be a mix of validating when she is showing emotion and having PMA and non emotionally loaded response to W's comments on living apart / separating assets / starting to pack up items etc. 

Goal 4: 
Become financially organised. Have a debt pay off plan, know where every bit goes, show leadership but also ensure decisions are joint decisions whilst we are still financially tied.

Goal 5:
Find my sense of humour and make W laugh again. This is part of W attraction to me and it's not there at the moment. if feel like I have stage fright because I am not being me, I am trying too hard to be the person and have the humour I think W wants. I need to be me again.

Goal 6:
Detach. Stop doing things for W that look like I am over doing it. Stop offering my services all the time - just do it! Stop making small talk.

Wish me luck.