Thank you GB, your description of your past life sounds just like mine. And I did (do) have super high expectations of myself and others! Your comment about unconditional love is touching. I want to give that too. I used to, until my H starting failing my expectations. ding ding ding!! Learn something about myself every day! Okay, well with that knowledge, I have learned enough about myself and H that I think I could navigate that in the future. I can at least live with awareness.
PW, you're absolutely right, I've said here early on that I started DB by default because my H cut us off so severely. You made me think about my 180s. And I kinda think that maybe I'm the queen of 180s! But I really want to challenge myself so I'm super grateful for any input.
My first 180 was actually a year before H left when I started taking care of myself physically. It may have turned into an obsession, I was at the gym at least 6 days a week. Fitness used to be very important to H for at least the first 14 years of our M, but he did not join my enthusiasm. I lost 40 lbs and started feeling really good about myself, which (expectations) resulted in my judging H pretty harshly for his bad habits. He did comment on this when he left, said 'maybe I was holding a mirror up to him' but it didn't change his behavior.
Other 180s: used to be hyper focused on kids & their schedules/activities. Now I constantly surprise myself at how relaxed I can be. They have risen to the occasion and I realize they didn't need my dictatorship. It's much calmer now at home.
Old me: didn't show appreciation for H. With his working so much, I was very angry and resentful. But even in every day conversation or texts, there wasn't a lot of please & thank yous. Again, I expected, therefore didn't need to say 'gee thanks'. I 'praise the 1%' very well now and recognize and give credit to H for his efforts. And he reciprocates and it feels nice that he shows his appreciation, usually only regarding the kids. I show gratitude for his generosity by contributing to us financially still.
Old me: I was kinda a hard *ss. I feel a lot more like myself now, kind and not angry all the time. I like me a lot better now.
Old me: super strict with kids, d17 will be 18 yrs old tomorrow! And she's a very good girls and I trust her decisions now.
Old me: I was very wrapped up in my kids success! They are very talented and have garnered a lot of attention for their abilities. But I pushed them so d*mn hard for a lot of years to squeeze out every drop of potential. I've totally let up now and my kids are responsible for their own achievements.
Old me: I didn't do much socially or invest in friendships. I've made a lot of new friends in the past year and have rekindled old friends and I feel really good about the relationships I'm building.
Silly old me: I didn't like to try new things. Now I am excited to try anything and everything, love wine, have fun trying foods I NEVER would have tried before, it reminds me of my youth - I was always adventurous and really lost myself for a lot of years.
Cosmetic old me: I've always been told I'm attractive and even when 40 lbs heavier I'm tall so I carried it well. Always been a makeup and perfume kind of girl, but my clothes are much more fashionable now and my hair is highlighted. I get manicures now and have painted and longer nails. The crazier the color the better.
I'd like to redo the downstairs of my house but haven't had the time or money yet, so it all looks the same as when H was here (with the exception of all of his pictures gone) . I painted my bedroom last winter, new bedding & pictures & lamps and I love relaxing in my new space now. H has never seen my new bedroom. I'm running a 5k next month with a new group of friends, going to Boston next month with my daughter's touring symphony.
I'm feeling pretty darn good about my 180s and even better when I can keep my PMA. Here's the kicker - of all the 180s I can think of, I don't think H knows about most of it. Sure he can see my outward appearance is different, but he's never inquired or asked anything about me personally to notice my changes. And mostly that's okay, because I'm happier my changes are for me. But there's always a part of me that wants H to be proud of me too.
Anything else I can try???? The next major 180 would be if I started cooking... but come on, I don't think I'll ever change enough to enjoy cooking.
We should start a praise yourself and your changes thread. This felt pretty good.
. I painted my bedroom last winter, new bedding & pictures & lamps and I love relaxing in my new space now. H has never seen my new bedroom. I'm running a 5k next month with a new group of friends, going to Boston next month with my daughter's touring symphony. 
