I went on to tell her I really believed there is still a beautiful person behind that wall and hardened heart. I told her about some of the qualities I really believe are at the core of her soul. She is a friendly person and people naturally like her. She likes to laugh. She likes to make people laugh. She has an amazing singing voice. She pursued the Lord. But then I told her all I see is a broken, hurting mess right now.
She agreed with me. She IS broken and hurting right now. She feels she has very few friends. She said she cries a lot and has been looking at a lot of churches and can't find the right place. She has never felt so alone in her entire life.
I went on to tell her it was until the first marriage conference we went to in 2006 that I even saw there was the first thing wrong with our marriage. But looking in hindsight, I think she was checked out of the marriage even at that time.
She agreed with that it had been some time before that she had checked out of the marriage.
I told her that first marriage conference marked a big change in my life at the time. My W said she didn't know, didn't realize it. I mentioned to her that I really didn't tell her that at that time, did I? She affirmed that. I told her I probably didn't realize it myself either until I looked back on it. My W apologized she didn't see the changes and said her mind and heart were probably closed at that time.
I also told her I don't tell her about the positive things going on my life to rub salt in her wounds. But rather, it's that I would love for her to experience the joy in my heart and the things I believe God is doing in my life. I'd love to show her the way. However, she may have to take a different road to get there.
I went on to share some more of my story. I told her I had to pretty much hit rock and lose just about everything I thought I cared about before I would respond to what God wanted to do with me.
She said she just has the walls up. She feels like a walking target and the walls protect her. She agreed with me when I said I thought I wasn't the only one the walls were protecting her from.
I went on to say it makes it hard because I actually give a rip. I said it would be a lot easier if I just didn't care.
At that point, she was ready to go to bed. She thanked me for listening and talking through some things.
I told her I had just gotten a glass of wine and had more to say. However, she was more than welcome to just go ahead to bed and hopefully she would have something entertaining to read in the morning, though there was no pressure to do so.
However, she was more than welcome to just go ahead to bed and hopefully she would have something entertaining to read in the morning, though there was no pressure to do so.
