Well I believe the limbo going to be coming to end soon. Things came to head last Thursday night so to speak.
I was on my way back from a doubleheader of GAL'ing (a group ride downtown and stopping by Men's group at my church before heading home) and I received a text from my W. She told me she didn't think we could talk about the D anymore, she was very tired, she wanted me to get with my L and propose something on the last remaining item. If we didn't get this wrapped up by the end of this coming week, she was going to file for D.
I think previously that would have ticked me off. However, I thought I was waiting on her to set a time to talk about the final detail (it's the driving distance we're hung up on). However, I'm very tired myself and ready to move forward in one direction or the other. I took it as a signal to lay all my cards out on the table. I'll try to keep it to an executive summary here.
The entire conversation was through text. We texted back and forth from about 11pm to 1am. I kept on going until 3:40am. This seemed to work for us. I think we were able to cover a lot of things.
I started out by telling her I thought I was waiting on her, on when she wanted to set up a time to talk. I told her straight up I am just tired of waiting, tired of the limbo. Then I started into why I have been hanging around so long. I told her I was asking God to direct my every step, I wanted to be able to tell my S I tried EVERYTHING to save his family, there's a possibility I may just be crazy I also mentioned I have been able to use this time to grow, have a lot of new friends now, and my relationship with God has grown.
Her take on that was I was blaming her for the failure of the M. She also said me telling her about all of the good things in my life just rubs salt into her wounds. She said she just felt like she lost herself in the M.
I responded by telling her I wasn't blaming her for the failure of the M - we both had our contributions to that failure. I felt our M is dead. However, we both have our different solutions to the problem - she says D, I say rebuild. That is where we disagree. I said both have their merits and drawbacks. I said if we were to rebuild, my biggest fear is that things would just return to the way they were, and we'd be in a worse place than we'd ever been.
I apologized for the way I'd hurt her in the past. I told her that was never my intention. I told her I have learned a lot from my mistakes, and I'm still growing.
I'm going to break this up into semi-manageable chunks so I'll break here...
I also mentioned I have been able to use this time to grow, have a lot of new friends now, and my relationship with God has grown.
