So, I have replayed the conversation between h and I over and over again, and since he is asking for his financial freedom I have decided to file for the child and spousal support as I had planned to. I am concerned that now that he has brought it up that he will start to go crazy with whatever money he has left. His wayward thinking of not being obligated has lead me to believe that this step is needed for me to secure myself financially. Maybe with this decision a seed will be planted and he will see how he can't just walk away so easily. I know this sounds like punishment, and a tiny part of me feels that it is, but me and the children's needs should come first and unfortunately, I feel it is necessary to do this. I have made the strong decision to start db'ing not to save my marriage at all. Before, my mindset was for both myself and my marriage, but now it needs to be to move forward. I now believe based on how the conversation went that this was H's way to keep me on the back burner waiting for him. And after about 2 hours into our two and half hour conversation I broke down and gave him that by not keeping my emotions to myself. I know we think their wheels are spinning, but I don't feel that my H's are. I think he is just torn between two directions (his kids/home and his mistress) and he is not fully committed to either. Notice, I didn't put myself in there, because H explicitly told me he doesn't think I can provide the love he needs and doesn't want me to and in wading through his bs, I believe this. So, I am going to reinforce my stance about his financial obligations with actions. I am no longer concerned if this will be seen as pressure to make a decision, if this will lead to divorce, or if this will upset him. Besides, if he really is in MLC, this decision should not affect his stance either way, right? And really, I wouldn't want it to. I would want my H to come home because he wanted to, not because he is poor and destitute. So if His financial obligations are clarified by a third party and taken out of the equation, maybe it will give him more space to figure himself out and what he wants. I will still leave the decision for the divorce up to him. I believe H has been able to call all the shots too long, and now it is time for me to do something for me and my children.
On another note, I am quite puzzled about his relationship with OW. Maybe what he said was true as it would be true MLC script...he said he "likes" her, but she is "in love" with him. I guess that would be a huge ego boost and go into that hero/damsel sitch. Still confusing how a man would throw his family away for someone he just "likes". Anyhow, not really important, and honestly, didn't bother me. What bothered me was his lack of feelings for me.
I thought I had let go of the rope, but it is apparent I haven't. It feels like it is the right time for me to start loosening my grip....and let what will be, be.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life