Irreplaceable

[Takevowsserious]

Hi UW!

I know we've said it before, but it's darn hard not to get sucked into their craziness!

Let me explain a little about this upcoming trip...

Every year (since I have known my H), he would go away for the opening of trout season with his xbf. It was a great guys time, where they would go and fish, drink, and hang out around the camp fire telling funny stories. He always looked forward to it so much.

Now last year, he said he didn't feel like going with him and the usual other guys. His story was that he was meeting a bunch of college buddies close to where they went to school.

Timeline wise, this was about 3 months post bomb. Still very early on, I hadn't found this site yet, though I was already reading info on MLC.

I did ask him questions about the trip, where he was staying, etc. I asked him if his bf from college was going, and he said he hadn't talked to him.

He was very depressed and strange around this time. He told me the night before he left that he didn't want me to call or text him unless it was an emergency. To my credit, I didn't. He didn't contact me either (which he always would just to see how things were, how the boys were doing, etc.)

I will never forget that as soon as he came home, the first thing he said to me after hello was "Hey, thanks for doing what you said you were going to do and not call or text me." If that was a test of sorts, I guess I passed.

As he unpacked, I got to see what clothes he took for the trip. Dress pants? Dress shoes? I asked him about it. He claimed it was in case they wanted to go out somewhere nice for dinner.

You know, what all guys do when they get together for a fishing trip!

So, in his words, he is "doing the same thing as last year." Which to be honest, just hurts me and breaks my heart all over again.

What really upsets me is that I feel that if he put as much effort into our M as he did his A, we could have a great M! Instead, I get zero effort from him. And she gets the royal f-ing treatment.

I am very tired of just waiting for this A to end.

And I can see how they can maintain it, by going away and spending quality time together having fun without a worry in the world. Must be nice.

I don't know. Almost 16 months post bomb, and I'm feeling a bit weary.

On a funny note...

So H has really wanted my attention today, and had said things like "Sorry I'm being such a baby" and "Sorry I'm such a pain."

Put the pinnacle, the best of his requests today was this-

He said how achy and sore his body was, that his legs were in pain. He asked me to rub his hamstrings, and then rub his butt.

Yes, you read that correctly. He specifically asked me to rub his butt. And I did lol!

Now maybe it's just me, but I sure as hell wouldn't ask someone to rub my butt if I wasn't attracted to them at all. AND... If he views me as a parent... Well, I certainly would never, and I mean under no circumstances, ask my parents to rub my butt.

You can't make this stuff up!!!!

Going to relax now, it's been a LONG weekend. He thanked me numerous time for everything and for taking care of the boys so he could rest. Said he really appreciated it.

I know what I would appreciate - a good nights sleep!