Carry On

[labug]

I got word yesterday that one of my brothers was found dead in his home, apparently natural causes but we will see.

There were 4 of us, 3 brothers and me, I'm 3rd in the birth order. Of the siblings, I had the closest connection to him. There was so much emotion in him and all his life he tried to hold it in, beat it down; too frequently it came out as rage. He lived a lonely life, few relationships, no children.

He was also a very funny person and could tell a story that would have sides splitting and tears rolling.

That's who I will miss.

The only phone number the police officer found in brother's wallet was that of a friend from childhood. I got the call from him, it was comforting to hear it from someone who cared.

I read this by Anne Lamott this morning:

Everyone tries to look so loving and together, but behind the scenes, families are hard, damaged, stressed, scared, pissed off, and floundering some of the time. There's a line in Some Assembly that we are all so ruined, so loved, and in charge of so little. We can't save a single person we love. I hate this! I do not agree to this! Unfortunately, it is the truth. So what do we do, especially those of us with tiny, tiny control issues? Breathe; release; stick together; tell the truth; trust, surrender, cry a little and wait for Grace to help us get our senses of humor back. What do we do about teenagers, or those with Alzheimer's, or--yikes, worst of all--ourselves? Right foot, left foot, right foot, breathe.