She obviously still wants her space. Give it to her or she will take it. If she wants you, I'm pretty sure she'll find you. Don't worry about what she's thinking, 'cause you don't know. Besides, no matter what she's thinking, it shouldn't really change your course.

As for "should I have stayed downstairs for a while with everyone?" Sure, as long as that's what you want for you and your kids. Don't do it just because you think it will please W or fix the relationship.

Don't over think this stuff. No single encounter is going to make or break the M. Get comfortable with your new life, show confidence around W. Turning these things around takes time. Are you in it for the long haul? It sounds to me like you are. Settle in my friend! Be the rock for your family. You can do this.

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl