WOW... care to share some insights? What baby seepts are real or mistaken? Where have u tread, that you shouldn't have? What have you watched for and expected? What have you done well and what missteps?
Anxious to hear from you again!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
The improvements in our relationship have come recently. I am sure that we are not out of the woods yet, but they are improvements, nonetheless.
I started becoming more like myself this past week. Instead of distancing and giving her lots of space, I started going back to the way I used to be. I touch her more than I have recently. I show her more affection. I compliment her. All of this is how I used to be with her.
When I touch her, she doesn't pull away. She smiles if I compliment her. She seems responsive. Don't misunderstand this. She still won't say she loves me. She still can come across as cold and unfeeling, but this is a vast improvement over how things have been. All of this has come about by my change towards her. I change, she responds.
My wife and I still have a very long distance to go. We both have lots of difficulty trusting each other. It's going to take time for the wounds to heal.
IF she decides she wants to be with me for the rest of her life. It's HER decision.
but, did your coach validate you? what does he say you are doing right? wrong?, etc....
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
P2... I will look for your response on your thread..k?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Of course, all this has only happened over the period of a week. This is a very short period to look at to say it is a trend. But the changes DID take place AFTER I changed my behavior towards her.
I have learned the ways that I need to be showing my wife that I love her. I had been a fool in the past. I was always trying to show her that I loved her by doing things that she didn't value. When I started LISTENING to her and PAYING ATTENTION to what she was saying to me (and paying attention to what she liked) I found out how to really communicate to her how much I value her and love her.
My wife is a REALLY great girl. She's not perfect, but she's pretty darn close to it! She's put up with me for years, so she must be!
Now, I still have difficulties in my marriage, but it is MY responsibility to control MYSELF and make the decision as to HOW I WILL RESPOND when things are not the way I would like them to be.
I continue with GAL (at the urging of my coach) and making sure that I correct MY short comings character flaws.
