Reb..we have all made mistakes in our R's. We have to take 50% responsibility for its failure. You mustn't be so hard on yourself. I see a lot of myself in you. I felt the same way many times in my R over the years. Lost, used, unappreciated, lonely, just getting through the days, looking after kids and household chores, working and just going through the motions. Haven't we wasted a lot of time being miserable and bitter? Its never to late to change that. I always expected my life to be perfect. I had to control every aspect of our lives. I don't cope with stress, uncertainty or problems, so I would expend a lot of energy avoiding them. Everything had to be in place always. Yes, I am a perfectionist and won't settle for anything less, until now. My H is not perfect, OMG..he smoked/s!! How could I love someone that smoked/s, it was beneath me. But I realised it was unconditional love, that he was seeking. I expect it (even though I have no flaws LOL) and so I give it.
It is said many times here in the forum, that you can't expect to go back to the old R. You will be creating a whole new M. That is really something to look forward to. You have come so far in DB'ing, but it will take time, lots of it. I see so much progress. My M is a work in progress as they all are. There is a lot of improvement. I never believed it could happen by me being the only one who would change or consciously work on it. It is so much better. My H is a hard man and I see a lot of softening in him. He does respond to my different approach to life. But best of all I am really proud of myself.
