I am struggling not to hate. H and I actually had a bit of a blow out a few days ago. Dumb on my part. I stopped it quickly- found my center and apologised for my part of the outburst. I did realise I still har emotions to work through and heal. I realised H is still angry too and I could recognise his attempts to cut me down in his anger.
I am very busy at wot which is good and H is spending lots of time with the kids. Sometimes I feel left out- I feel like he would happily take the kids and leave me alone. I feel so unappreciated at times. Ok... Pity poor me. No I guess I need some help to dig a little deeper at retrieve the PMA.
Him being here is a bigger challenge than I thought.
Hi Busting,
Your observations about your H's anger are interesting.
I think sometimes we forget how angry they are with us still - they are off having their great new lives and we feel like the ones who have the right to be so angry with what they have done to us.
But I keep getting signs that my stbx is stuck in his anger for me. He plays out his role with OW in part because of this - in retaliation. He really is a mess. I saw this the other day outside of court when we had a few hours together, waiting our turn. He told me that everything was all my fault, and he was so angry with me.
I don't know that there's much we can do - other than refuse to take the bait. I'm certainly getting better at resisting the urge to try to argue with him over his view of what went wrong.
Like you, I've accepted my part and apologised, but he seems still to be in the middle of his anger. I think the 'leaving us out' of family activities is meant to hurt. It's part of their anger coming out.
