Back home now, and tucked in bed! And now time to vent! Sorry all, this is not going to be pretty!
I know I want to do what I can to save this M, but sometimes I look at W and think, can I just get on with life and do better. I know that sounds harsh but its mainly down to her attitude towards me right now.
No, I have not been the perfect husband, but so what! - how many spouses are perfect. The flaws I have and acknowledge are easily outweighed by the love, protection, devotion and pure commitment I have to W, so why think that there is better out there. Drives me crazy. Yes there is probably a man that speaks more intelligent words, talks about the same interests as W loves, or gives more words of affirmation, gets her excited because life with him is trouble/child/debt/commitment free. But is that man also the father of her children, would he do anything in the world for her, give up anything for her happiness. I am willing to do all of those things, why is that not enough!!! I know what you are all thinking, relax, stop panicking etc etc, but sorry - I am better than this. I am responsible for 50% of the issues in this M, but so is my W. The difference is I am willing to face mine, and W is running away. AAArrrrgggghhhhh!
I need sleep and get a fresh perspective on the task ahead. I know it's not a sprint, but how can I run a marathon, when W is doing the 100m?
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
