i'm by myself- i am detached today totally. spent yesterday (12+ hrs) and today from early a.m. til now at hospital with my mother. ended up okay- i'm sooo tired. h is not here with me - (ever) when i could use a buddy . it stinks. i feel like not even talking to him - because honestly- why does he call and act concerned? if he was at all- he would be living with me and not screwing around down there by himself acting like he's young again.
being away- i hate that guy. i wonder about your sttement of not letting lonliness stop yhou and that you want more and better.
me too- one of my mom's drs was alovely guy- too darn young for me- but a lovely man. got me thinking- still alive in side - down deep somewhere. we'll see
anyway- sorry and glad at same time you're feeling what you do. you will find your way- like water seeking it's own level- drips and crawls thru the tiniest ways- somehow you will too.
i don't know about me- felt terrible first nite he was gone- thinking all the tings i do- last nite- slept poorly but just too tired after day of hospital stress to care.
tonite- who knows- i am just numb. his stupid fake phone calls put me off- i have nothing to say. why does he botyher i wonder?
i'm sick of the fakery and bs and what? i do not know what it is really- whether he is putting on some kind of show for someone - for himself? i don't think he knows- i sure don't and i'm getting tired of caring i think.
we'll see how this goes. i'm outta here- no juice at all. will ahve to reread stuff tomorrow- too duhhh to nite.
