I haven't posted for a few days.I don't know. I'm still struggling with H being here. To a certain extent. He comes everyday for the kids which is wonderful. I was tempted to limit this but with here so little of the time I did not think this was into kids' best interests for the time being.
Well done. I know it's hard but continue to keep this in the foreground. It's about your children.
Originally Posted By: bustingout
I struggling today to stay positive. I know why too. He was on the phone with OW at my house. I asked politely to refrain from OW contact when he is in my space. He said ok. But it bothered me. So it makes me think I am not as detached as I felt I was. I don't feel as strong. It just reminded me that he has a whole other life without me and the kids.
There is a difference between being detached and being healed. Do not confuse the two. Detached doesn't mean not caring - it doesn't mean not feeling.
Show yourself some grace here.
Originally Posted By: bustingout
So back to me. Had a pretty good weekend actually. Was at a charity event and then had friends over afterwards for drinks.
Also went to a movie night at the school wit the kids and H which was lovely.
Tonight am invited out to dinner at a friends. Lots of stuff going on. Maybe I am a little tired too and hence feel more sensitive today.
GALing yourself into exhaustion. Well done!
Originally Posted By: bustingout
I am struggling not to hate. H and I actually had a bit of a blow out a few days ago. Dumb on my part. I stopped it quickly- found my center and apologised for my part of the outburst. I did realise I still har emotions to work through and heal. I realised H is still angry too and I could recognise his attempts to cut me down in his anger.
It's good to recognize the toxic dynamic and change it. Keep working on it, it does get easier.
Originally Posted By: bustingout
I am very busy at wot which is good and H is spending lots of time with the kids. Sometimes I feel left out- I feel like he would happily take the kids and leave me alone. I feel so unappreciated at times. Ok... Pity poor me. No I guess I need some help to dig a little deeper at retrieve the PMA.
That makes sense. He is doing things that you want to be part of. Try to stay focused on the people who do love you and do want to spend time with you. This is not a natural decision, but one we must make constantly.
You are loved - remind yourself of that more often!
Originally Posted By: bustingout
Him being here is a bigger challenge than I thought.
Yes - but I believe you can make this a good opportunity for you to shine. What does that look like for you? If the pain wasn't there - how would you want to act.
Envision it.. believe it.. make it happen.
((( )))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
