So, some small MEASURABLE goals, that do not have the word "wife, spouse, mate, partner, W, the Pope, the Mrs. , fiance, my MIL's daughter, etc..." in them...
Those goals, that are for you, to start your foundation....
Ok, I think I am going to think through this, it does make sense now. I think my first set of goals could have been more fitting so i will look over those too.
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
Maybe finding that sense of humor again is on that list ???
I'm glad you mentioned that, a few days back I posted that W found sense of humour attractive in me. She joked for the past few years that we don't have fun any more. Now I think she was serious, the jokes have gone from our R. Time to get the fun back.
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
2.5 - Don't believe her when she says she's miserable. My W is always telling me things (I was cause of her illness (it's genetic so figure that one out), she never loved me, I ruined every moment of her life, we're just friends, blah, blah, blah. Sad but anymore I believe more of what comes out of my S5's mouth than I do hers and he's got a huge imagination.
People can only give outwardly, what they feel internally....
What they chose to show us, is all of the hurt that they have inside of them, because yes, we still stir that emotion in them.
They will lash out, and say whatever they know will hurt the most.
It doesn't mean that it is true, although it is very true to them...
It doesn't make them crazy, or wrong, or anything.
It means that they are hurting too...
Lashing out at the person that knows them the best, and is the most danger to seeing right through them.
So, while they may not be true, there is value in their words...
What you are saying here makes complete sense, and I will remember this in the future. With my W, she has been through a catalogue of painful experiences death in family, death of parent, anti natal depression, losing job, and then the issues I brought to the M - which I guess as you say being the person closest and tied to them makes me the vent and focus for all this hurt and pain, and W can only see that my issues have caused all this misery and unhappiness. So I have to be the one to get rid of to make it all better.
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
It's a lot easier to think she's either crazy or an alien.
Yep, for my own sanity tonight I am going with the easy route - tomorrow I will start to take it all seriously again
Tell me. Today he hasn't loved me for only three years....progress?? sigh..... I vote crazy alien personally.
Me? Stuff gets so stupid sometimes that if I didn't laugh I would cry....I only have the power to change myself. Everyone else is on their own. Remember that when you make your goals.
It's a lot easier to think she's either crazy or an alien.
Yep, for my own sanity tonight I am going with the easy route - tomorrow I will start to take it all seriously again
Tell me. Today he hasn't loved me for only three years....progress?? sigh..... I vote crazy alien personally.
Me? Stuff gets so stupid sometimes that if I didn't laugh I would cry....I only have the power to change myself. Everyone else is on their own. Remember that when you make your goals.
I shall, although not had time to think about my goals today. makes me a little nervous when I have switched off or been too busy to think about things, kind of worry I have let my guard down.
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
Quiet on here tonight ! I'm doing okay, had a night out and had fun. Feeling a little negative about the future with W , however optimistic about life without W. that probably sounds strange.
W been picking fault all day, trying to press buttons. Think she is trying to test whether I really am calm and stress free. It's a little exhausting and to be honest if this is how W is now, I can do better! I still love her but can not tolerate this kind of attitude. Maybe it's time to consider whether to quit now or carry on.
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
Keep your head up two four... I don't have a lot of experience either, but can tell you I had an up day Thursday, really down day yesterday and an up day today so far. Have to keep looking for positives, there is always a positive somewhere!
Back home now, and tucked in bed! And now time to vent! Sorry all, this is not going to be pretty!
I know I want to do what I can to save this M, but sometimes I look at W and think, can I just get on with life and do better. I know that sounds harsh but its mainly down to her attitude towards me right now.
No, I have not been the perfect husband, but so what! - how many spouses are perfect. The flaws I have and acknowledge are easily outweighed by the love, protection, devotion and pure commitment I have to W, so why think that there is better out there. Drives me crazy. Yes there is probably a man that speaks more intelligent words, talks about the same interests as W loves, or gives more words of affirmation, gets her excited because life with him is trouble/child/debt/commitment free. But is that man also the father of her children, would he do anything in the world for her, give up anything for her happiness. I am willing to do all of those things, why is that not enough!!! I know what you are all thinking, relax, stop panicking etc etc, but sorry - I am better than this. I am responsible for 50% of the issues in this M, but so is my W. The difference is I am willing to face mine, and W is running away. AAArrrrgggghhhhh!
I need sleep and get a fresh perspective on the task ahead. I know it's not a sprint, but how can I run a marathon, when W is doing the 100m?
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
I hear ya!!... I don't get it either. We are clearly the better choice & they are rejecting us... makes me furious! How can our committment to try and try again not be enough for them.
I get it...
sorry you are having one of "those" moments. ((HUGS))
Rest & continue your path tomorrow.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
