Of Feral Cats, and All That

[reachingHigher]

I really wish she wouldn't put so much on the looks thing, I don't...I care more about her being happy and glowing from within and me being important to her.

I thought about this a bunch last night. Before MLC H said he would rather have plump and cheerful and happy then thin and grumpy.....although his preference has always been long and lean women. But since MLC he has focused much more on appearances....his and everybody else's.

But maybe for your W it's the same as for my H. Looks are so important right now b/c they aren't comfortable with who they are inside.

I think they at some point get that there is stuff unsaid with us LBS, that we've been holding in, and can, in bits and pieces, allow and forgive us as well.

I've definitely noticed this ^^^^^as well.

I see H giving me more "grace periods" as it were with my frustrations. Last week when he was stumped as to finding any possible activity he might want to do with me (and me remembering in MLC his declaration that we had NO common interests) I erupted with, "I've even wondered why you married me, since you don't enjoy spending time with me.".

Not getting us closer to our goals, perhaps, but we are farther down the road and H responded with "just be patient, rH, I'm getting there and working on some things we can do together."

I think at this point, they are reconnecting and developing some empathy for us. We just can't rely on it too often.

This morning she is still withdrawn and before I left to keep me busy and out of my own way, I asked her this time (haven't in a long time) if I was doing, or not doing anything, if I was doing right by her...she said no, that it was her....ugh, or "okay"? Just don't know what to make of it...

I think it's good you said this ^^^^^.

After all, we are working toward more open communication with our spouses at this point. Maybe since she knows you are questioning her (and lots of internal questions...I also have those even if my questions are different) and wanting openness. Then...if you step back, she will come to you when ready.

T^2, I've always felt it was harder in some ways when the spouse leaves b/c it feels like a body part was cut off. Whereas, you with stay-at-home MLCers have the bodies around at home but the heart is gone. Then you have to be on good behavior all the time.

But now....in reconciliation, I definitely am enjoying the position of living separately. I feel H's heart has come back mostly. Dating is quite fun, too. But there is an "end" to my agony of living apart when he comes back....and IC said I can console myself somewhat with that.

You, OTOH, don't have a timeline end. It's just on and on at home with W and knowing she can do replay activities on the computer or other ways when you're not around. THAT would drive me crazy, I think, but I guess you learn to deal with it.

IC said to expect H might continue some replay activities occasionally until he settles down for good . So I'm guessing since you and I are close to the same place it might be the same for W. H is gone for today with drinking buddies, including tonight. I made a dinner appointment with a GF I haven't seen since last summer so we can catch up so I wasn't sitting at home feeling sorry for myself!

I am consoling myself too that last April, a year ago, H attended an explicit art show for ages 21 and up only. He wore black fingernail polish and black lipstick as well as a temporary hair dye rinse and plastic/silver chains around his neck with a huge cross and fake hoop earrings. And posted that on FB, for all friends and relatives (including my parents) to see. Along with his skin tight clothing.

MWD said to look back to see how far we've come. Indeed.

Thinking of you today, T^2,
I don't think she will be quiet too long,
Post more,
As needed,
rH