My painting party wasn't for you, I like blue!

[albamarie]

I seem to have this thing that has followed me my whole life, that my issues become worse if I try to force them or take charge. I know that sounds weird, but I seem to do better if I let things with time and patients, present themselves to me and then seise the moment, rather than jumping in full force.

I took some charge with my mom a few months ago who loves to push me around. I thought by sticking up for myself and giving her some real boundaries regarding my life, that I was going to form a better R/her. It backfired on me and she wants nothing to do w/me anymore or my kids.

In God's hands and prayer for guidance is what seems to work best. I am still trying to have us live alone and be separated before jumping right into D. My spiritual advisor told me to not do anything, let him fall apart around me and face the sitch he created. Not to say don't end the M, but everything in it's time.

I have no M, or R or even friendship w/H anymore. That is gone! This stretch has no real answers and I am scared, especially of making the wrong move, so I read, wait, watch, and my day will come when I will pounce, it has really been too long, but it's not over until it's over.