I didn't read all your posts (it is a lot of reading), but it sounds like your husband has some real issues which require professional help and probably medication. He doesn't seem willing to take his issues seriously. You seem utterly frustrated and ready to move on to a new life.
Yet, you have not filed for divorce. I know it is a very personal question, but do you mind me asking why?
I know personally, I have talked with a spiritual mentor, and he advised me not to move forward until I can look my children in the eye and tell them that I did everything I could to save our family and keep it whole. I know that I am not there yet.
In your case, your children are adults and you have put in 2 years of painful effort. What is keeping you in this situation?
