W is out of town for work. Got a text from her saying: I hope your day is going well...I miss you guys. After thinking about it I texted her back: We miss you too. I hope your week is going good! Not expecting her to come back from the trip with any different feelings. But it was the nicest thing she has said to me in awhile. Enjoying the moment of a tiny baby step toward her being nicer.
Me-36 W-31 M-7 S-5 BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand
Seeking means: to have a goal Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal
WOW... that's very nice & hard not to have expectations from it.
Good for you for being able to separate yourself from it.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I see that as probably the case. We aren't reconciled until we are reconciled. Trying to stay optimistically cautious. We have already been through this dog and pony show once. Early on after I pulled my head out so to speak, W starts being nice and somewhat affectionate. I assumed we were getting back together, she reacts with anger, I overreact, bad scene. That whole situation set us back months I think. I have no intention of resetting the timer again.
Me-36 W-31 M-7 S-5 BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand
Seeking means: to have a goal Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal
// it sometimes seems like I love the idea of my W not so much the actual person//
More and more, I feel the same way. I know I can't live with the person she is right now, but I wonder if I am looking for an imaginary person that she could, but never will be. Who is my real W, and do I really want to be with that person?
Just putting down some notes. I am feeling strangely negative at the moment. Have had a nice time with my S. But now the realization that W is coming back has set in. She was gone for a week, it was so peaceful just me and the boy. A part of me I never felt before wishes she was gone for good. Never felt this way about my spouse. Simply has been restful not having all the chaos. This is all unrealistic but this is what I am feeling so I am not denying it. Just going to get it out before W comes to see our S. Then I can put on my happy face... will definitely be faking it to make it today until I readjust to reality.
Me-36 W-31 M-7 S-5 BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand
Seeking means: to have a goal Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal
I know how you feel. The anxiety and stress that your body suffers in the first few months is exhausting and takes its toll on your body. I sense my own physical changes when I am heading over to see my W and pick up the boys, stress and anxiety levels increase 3 fold. You begin to realize that its not a good state to be in and that you need to overcome this and get healthy, breathe and continue with GAL.
And finally, what your feeling now is probably what your W has been feeling for some time before the BD...she probably didnt even realise it. Sorry to be harsh. My W told me after we seperated that she sometimes used to wish i wouldnt come home when I would go out in the evenings. I had no idea she had such strong feelings against me. It hurt a lot to hear it but it also made me realise how horrible it must have been to be around me sometimes. I had to take it on the chin.
Moth...give your W time.....BUT give yourself time too....as they all say on here, its a slow motion marathon.
Me - 37 W - 37 M -5 T - 15
S=5 S=3
Seperated - 12/12 BD - 20/03/13 Still seperated - no R or M talk yet.
Thank you for the perspective wawsc. I certainly won't nurture the feelings of negativity, just trying to be honest about what I feel without succumbing to it. Something I never allowed myself to do before.
W initiated a conversation with me that went well I think. She always has strong emotions but I am doing way better at just listening and not reacting so I appreciate her talking to me openly even if many of the words hurt. The main theme of the convo was about us still not connecting on a deeper level. I realized that leading up to and now being separated I have been clamming up. This is really more of the same behavior from me so I am going to be more proactive about having an open dialogue with W about what is happening in my life and my time with our S. There is definitely a fear in me of opening up to a person who is completely rejecting me, but I understand the need to overcome the fear of being vulnerable. Even if W doesn't want to reconcile ever I still need it for me so I don't repeat the same mistakes in the future.
Me-36 W-31 M-7 S-5 BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand
Seeking means: to have a goal Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal
W had asked to stay with me until her home was ready (some repairs being done) I had told her that was fine as long as she didn't continue coming home after being out all night.
Me-36 W-31 M-7 S-5 BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand
Seeking means: to have a goal Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal
