I haven't posted for a few days.I don't know. I'm still struggling with H being here. To a certain extent. He comes everyday for the kids which is wonderful. I was tempted to limit this but with here so little of the time I did not think this was into kids' best interests for the time being.
I struggling today to stay positive. I know why too. He was on the phone with OW at my house. I asked politely to refrain from OW contact when he is in my space. He said ok. But it bothered me. So it makes me think I am not as detached as I felt I was. I don't feel as strong. It just reminded me that he has a whole other life without me and the kids.
So back to me. Had a pretty good weekend actually. Was at a charity event and then had friends over afterwards for drinks.
Also went to a movie night at the school wit the kids and H which was lovely.
Tonight am invited out to dinner at a friends. Lots of stuff going on. Maybe I am a little tired too and hence feel more sensitive today.
I am struggling not to hate. H and I actually had a bit of a blow out a few days ago. Dumb on my part. I stopped it quickly- found my center and apologised for my part of the outburst. I did realise I still har emotions to work through and heal. I realised H is still angry too and I could recognise his attempts to cut me down in his anger.
I am very busy at wot which is good and H is spending lots of time with the kids. Sometimes I feel left out- I feel like he would happily take the kids and leave me alone. I feel so unappreciated at times. Ok... Pity poor me. No I guess I need some help to dig a little deeper at retrieve the PMA.
Him being here is a bigger challenge than I thought.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
