Yesterday was a day of H screaming until D19, S26 and I all told him to be quiet!

He turned to me and said...all this reaction, screaming, and rebellion is all fear, fear of never moving forward, fear of failure, fear of life.

I handled myself well, I didn't engage him, and I felt better for not going into a deep session with him over his sitch. Someone told me I am at a stage of strength, and it is getting closer to some real decisions, life decisions.

I don't know about forcing things, it never works out my way, then I worry about not letting things flow out of Gods hands, I screw that up also trying to take control.

I feel as if I am at a loss for we're to turn next, while living with the sound of his voice that makes my spine curl, and to look at his face that is so ugly. While in the same house I struggle with the anxiety of driving up the drive knowing he's home, or him walking in with his snarl on his face while I'm enjoying the peace around me.

I'm going to consider, without pushing, a separation somehow and see if something can develop naturally to make it happen. I don't want to live with him anymore and I believe it would benefit both of us.

How.....not sure but I am putting it out there! How do I move forward without making a mess?

The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!