I'm with Snodderly on this one (too). MLCr's can be extremely manipulative and persuasive to try and get what they feel they want. Not that they'll be happy about it, but that's beside the point.
Keep your guard up.
As for the confidant, I doubt you're the OW in that sense. But there's no harm in being a safe place to talk if that works for you. If it doesn't, then don't right? For me, I learned to see if the "niceness" would last to see if it was manipulation or other. I can tell you in the years I've been doing this, that not one nicety has lasted longer than one encounter. In fact, if I think about, mine has said/shown one nicety in the last 5-6 years toward me. And that was when my grandfather died. Briefly. Once. That was the only time she didn't "want" something from me.
Quick note. In case you wondered if the kids ever notice the oddities etc: had a conversation with my son when I picked up him from her house yesterday. Keep in mind she lives less than a mile from me now but refuses to ever give him a ride for some reason. Her H (OM) had some cousins visiting checking out colleges in the area. There are a lot in my area of NC. It's also my ex's and my birthday (same day) next week, so they were having cake. My son is a sucker for cake and wanted to stay for dinner. I was asking him about his day etc, and he mentioned ex's husband's daughter (she won't talk to him for what he's done to her family). I didn't realize how close in age she is to my ex, and my son was a bit weirded out by the whole thing. That's the first time he's really said much, but he finds it a bit creepy that his mom's H is old enough to be his grandfather. He gets a bit creeped by his mom as well because of how she treats him.
My point is that they notice and are not happy about it. They notice all along and for some reason I was a little surprised at his comments (I don't pay much attention to OM or his family - that may explain it). And they rationalize it differently than you might imagine as they process it. It's a great idea to show them how to handle it and guide them as time goes on. Again, don't let your guard down. Kids need a way to process what's happening too (just a friendly reminder - I wish I had more of those reminders at times, myself.) I know you have been, but wanted to encourage you to keep that focus even in the midst of the craziness.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
and wanted to stay for dinner. I was asking him about his day etc, and he mentioned ex's husband's daughter (she won't talk to him for what he's done to her family). I didn't realize how close in age she is to my ex, and my son was a bit weirded out by the whole thing. That's the first time he's really said much, but he finds it a bit creepy that his mom's H is old enough to be his grandfather. He gets a bit creeped by his mom as well because of how she treats him. 
