Portia, Going through your parent's belongings can be extremely emotional for you. That's one of the reasons that I caution people about tossing out things of value when they are emotional. I give the same advice to people who are going through divorce as well...
Yes, he does blame you for everything and will do so until his crisis is done. There is nothing you can do to change his mind at this point in time about anything. He can't look at himself in the mirror because he knows what he's done and continues to do. Portia, you have done nothing wrong. You loved this man w/every ounce air you breathe. You've been there to listen to his bs while your parent was near death. What more could you have done? You've given the relationship your all, so please stop beating yourself up over it.
It's up to him to see the changes in you and accept them. It's not up to you to prove yourself to him, but the other way around. He's not even owning up to anything that he's done or said and that tells me he's still frozen and hasn't begun to bake. Portia, he's going to use any and all excuses for what he's doing and he's bound and determined to hold on to you because he doesn't want anyone else to have you. I know it sounds sick, but they don't want us and yet, they don't want us to meet someone new and move on. They want us to remain right where they left us so that they can return time and again for ego kibbles. Life doesn't work that way.
Portia, you are a wonderful, compassionate lady. Do not beat yourself up over any of this. You have so much to offer the world and that world is waiting for you to heal and when you are ready, to spread your wings soar around the world. Life doesn't stand still for any of us.
Please take care of yourself and know that we are always here for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
