Recently Separated and Need Help

[separated313]

Tonight my H joined us at a local restaurant for dinner. I ended up paying the whole bill, and I probably shouldn't have. But it was nice to sit down to a meal and it was the 4 of us again. I was thinking that maybe we could try 'dating' once a week. Or do you think it's too soon?

Everyone around me seems to want me to just write him off and move on with my life. I just can't imagine allowing 16 years to just walk away. I want him home. (obviously, or I wouldn't be here)

I've started working out with a coworker over our lunch break. Not only does it seem to help with my anxiety, it also is really helping me keep off the weight I've lost. 15 pounds in 2 weeks!

I have DR, but do you feel that DB would be better suited to helping me work through my issues with my H's PA?

I appreciate everyone's help and insight. It's so nice to know that there are people out there that understand and are so supporting.

[woundedfool]

Everyone around me seems to want me to just write him off and move on with my life.

Re-Read DR page 23!!!! They are well meaning because they don't want to see you in pain. But they are only getting 1/2 the story.

I want him home. (obviously, or I wouldn't be here)

It has been mentioned before, but remove your expectations. Accept you have no control over what he does.

I've started working out with a coworker over our lunch break. Not only does it seem to help with my anxiety, it also is really helping me keep off the weight I've lost. 15 pounds in 2 weeks!

Excellent GAL! Keep them up! But be careful, 15lbs in 2 weeks is not really healthy, try to work on patience and slow steady weight loss.

I have DR, but do you feel that DB would be better suited to helping me work through my issues with my H's PA?

I don't know, I read both... DR spoke to me far more then DB. Give it a shot, at worst you are out $15.00

[separated313]

And now to top it off, my dad is dying. It's taking everything I have to not beg and plead with my H to come home. But I don't want to come off as weak.

[JuneReN]

Separated, in December, about three months in, I had the phone in my hand, sobbing in the living room, huge gulping from the heart sobs and was 2 digits away from completing the phone call to beg H to come home. I didn't care that we would pretend, I couldn't do this anymore.

I put the phone down, and I ran. It kept me from calling and I am so glad I didn't.
You are not weak, but this is not the circumstance you want your husband to return to, you begging and him acquiescing, because he still cares.

I am so so sorry that your Dad is dying. We are here for you, as are your friends. Little consolation for you, I know, but we are here ((((S313))))

[Breakdown]

And now to top it off, my dad is dying.

I'm so sorry.

It's taking everything I have to not beg and plead with my H to come home. But I don't want to come off as weak.

You know that pleading doesn't work, so set that aside and move forward. And you're right, it makes you look weak, which isn't attractive.

Hang in there.

[separated313]

Our child support hearing is coming up on Monday. I'm not sure how I am going to make it through. I don't want to come off as a jerk, but I'm really not interested in letting him off easy. I want every dime I can get from him. Our kids deserve to maintain the lifestyle they were raised in. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can detach by Monday?

[Breakdown]

Our child support hearing is coming up on Monday. I'm not sure how I am going to make it through. I don't want to come off as a jerk, but I'm really not interested in letting him off easy. I want every dime I can get from him. Our kids deserve to maintain the lifestyle they were raised in. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can detach by Monday?

Really, I doubt anything you do or say would change the outcome of this. Generally, it's a formula, and there's not a lot of variance. I'd let the attorneys do their job.

That said, I think you need to get in the mindset of doing what is best for you and the kids without being vindictive or trying to punish your H. I certainly hear some of that in your words.

[Breakdown]

Are you working that list? Or are you just focused on H leaving and how to deal with it? The former may help save your M...the later won't.

[separated313]

I guess I feel like I'm riding a roller coaster right along with my H. One minute I want to save my M, but the next minute I don't care and I'm just concerned about protecting my kids and myself. Is this normal?

[adinva]

I think it's normal. Your feelings will settle - it's all really new right now. Because your M has just taken a major turn and you don't know where it's going to wind up, you need to focus on improving YOU...that is something you won't feel wildly verging up and down about so it will be something healthy in your life that steadies you. When thoughts of H pull you onto the rollercoaster is when you need to put your blinders on and work on you. It really helps in the beginning, and there is no downside. That is why, I think, that many of Sandi's 37 rules stickied in this forum address you and your behavior.