Thank you Snodderly for your excellent advice. Most of what I am clearing now are the papers and pictures. Maybe that is why I had such an emotional day. These events will always be linked in my head and heart.
MizJ. Thank you as well. I think I need rest too. And now it appears that I can take my time. I have lived the last eight months dreading the day that he would tell me I was out of his life. Now I believe what everyone on this Board told me - MLCers rarely disappear forever. I do not have to scramble or feel I have to scramble to keep him in my life. In fact I am beginning to think I should be booting him from it. But I do not have to make that decision now.
I cannot help though thinking of our conversation. My laundry list of sins in the relationship. They were all valid. Great 180s except they were all things that he no longer wants from me. After BD I hung on to him for dear life. I stopped when he made some nasty comment. He asked him during the conversation how he could believe those changes. Absolutely valid.
I feel though that he is blaming me for everything which is MLC script. The question I have though is if he simply wants to pursue children why does anything I did or do matter? He knows that no matter what changes will be made that is not one.
After all this time I finally realize that this may really be goodbye. That I did not dream that we had a strong connection. We did. That I believe we could have been happy but he does not choose me.
