My WAW - coming to terms with it all!

[WAW_SC]

Have been thinking back to today and remembering all the good things I did for my family and my W even if my W wont acknowledge it. Our shared responsibility for the health of our marriage is also clearer to me know and so is the fact that we both let the ball drop.

I am accountable for the things i said and did in the past, but my view of the last 1-2 years is a bit more balanced and can recognise that marriage is a lot of hard work where two people have to commit to it. You have to question the health of the marriage constantly and review the things that could be better, the things that are great and accept the things that arent so good but not detrimental to the marriage itself. Its too easy to just kick along thinking that things are OK without questioning how things could be better.

But if both people in a marriage are suffering form personal issues, lack of self esteem or depression etc, its makes it so much harder to pull together and work on it. This is when we start blaming the other for our problems and once you start playing that blame game things start to go pear shaped.

My W and I got stuck in that rut unfortunately but i am on the path to recognising that I alone am responsible for my happiness, that i need to look after my own mental attitude and accept that sometimes in life you need help. I think my wife is still blaming me for her unhappiness. I guess thats for her to work out, but I now have a better understanding that I was not too blame, it is much clearer to me. This helps me to move on and focus on the changes I want to make for me.

This morning i woke up and felt a little better about detaching, worrying a little less about what she is doing thinking. I had a productive morning, did the washing, the shopping and about to go for a swim and spend the afternoon doing some work.

Everyday seems to get easier to get on with my life, to focus on the things that make me feel better and help me become a better man. During a low point yesterday afternoon I looked at myself in the mirror and felt like a little boy..not a man. I am not sure why that was, but it really affected me. Why cant i consider myself as a man? I realise that this is an issue that i need to address and it could be as a result of what i am going through. I know that as i progress through my journey i will regain that sense of value as a man, a father, a husband.