Carry On

[needgrace]

ps thank you for the reminder about the self acceptance project. i am obsessed with brene brown and her work on shame right now. thank you

[labug]

I've heard/read this quote by Victor Frankl before but never really got the meaning or only heard it in a clinical way. But this is pretty much sums things up for me:

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom."

For much of my life let go of my power.

On to the weekend. It's going to be beautiful ann have plans to ride my bike tomorrow. I've let go of that and miss it. Some friends (one of my domino buddies) are having a Best Exotic Hotdog party tomorrow night. That will be fun. (Frankl and hot dogs in the same post, now that's eclectic ...and a smiley face )

Sunday evening I'm getting together with friends to watch the season premiere of Mad Men. I'm making deviled eggs and shrimp cocktail and drinking an Old Fashioned. We're gonna party like it's 1968 or thereabouts.

I had a great online convo with S23 yesterday about introverts and extroverts (he posted something on FB) and then carried it on in person with S20. I remember sometime in the the first year I was here, there was a discussion on introverts and extroverts and I learned a lot from it. I've finally come to the realization that I'm an introvert who has pushed herself to be an extrovert and felt very uncomfortable because of that. It's OK to be an introvert and know your limits on social interaction.

As the onion peels...

[JuneReN]

I am an extrovert, but love being alone...weird that.
Also timely that I just had this convo about the space between stimulus and response with H this morn....not exactly Frankl, but the fact that I would go with whatever was in my head at the time and he would push all his feelings down. I remarked that it was a wonder our marriage lasted as long as it did

This led to the conversation about how he is now saying what he feels, whereas I am waiting to sift through whether or not response is an emotional knee jerk and why. He also mentioned that I am an aloud thinker and this is how I process things, I am not looking for affirmation or negation necessarily, just talking myself through the process. Once he realized that (too late obviously lol) it was easier to discuss things.

I find it funny weird how stuff keeps popping up on here and in my life simultaneously.

What are you thinking about in terms of extrovertion? Scaling back, or are you finding a middle ground these days?

[labug]

I love being with people but too many or for too long drains my energy. I don't derive energy from it. I find myself at work needing to pull back when there are too many (my definition) people, and lots of talk.

I enjoy alone time and can do things, ie. shopping, movies by myself and be OK with it. I really don't need interaction all the time to be OK.

I'm going to be me and be good with it, stop trying to force myself to be someone I'm not.

[keep_going]

I am also an extrovert but have always been very comfortable being alone. I am used to it from a very early age (last of 4, parents never home, siblings busy elsewhere...) I have never thought about it, but I do believe I have a good balance in that respect.

He also mentioned that I am an aloud thinker and this is how I process things, I am not looking for affirmation or negation necessarily, just talking myself through the process.

IO - I think we have similar personalities and it never occured to me that I did this ^^^^^ too. Good food for thought.

I'm going to be me and be good with it, stop trying to force myself to be someone I'm not.

Hey, Bug - Amen to ^^^^^. Nothing wrong with you. As a matter of fact, who you are is one amazing person!
(((((bug))))))

[labug]

There's a great TED Talk by Susan Cain.

[JuneReN]

I seriously love these threads Bug. It always lets me walk away with more to think about... ((( )))

[needgrace]

bug,

i love that frankl quote and just began to get it recently too.. and the rilke quote about living the questions..

"...I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

i am so grateful for you today, bug. i have listened to brene brown's talk on shame three times now and i truly believe it is the key to answering so many of my questions about myself since BD. i have been caught in a shame sh*tstorm

and in discovering that and finding more clarity, i have also found more hope..

thank you, thank you, thank you...

[labug]

I'm going to listen to it again, ng.

I'm going to need to gird my loins over the next week.

[labug]

I got word yesterday that one of my brothers was found dead in his home, apparently natural causes but we will see.

There were 4 of us, 3 brothers and me, I'm 3rd in the birth order. Of the siblings, I had the closest connection to him. There was so much emotion in him and all his life he tried to hold it in, beat it down; too frequently it came out as rage. He lived a lonely life, few relationships, no children.

He was also a very funny person and could tell a story that would have sides splitting and tears rolling.

That's who I will miss.

The only phone number the police officer found in brother's wallet was that of a friend from childhood. I got the call from him, it was comforting to hear it from someone who cared.

I read this by Anne Lamott this morning:

Everyone tries to look so loving and together, but behind the scenes, families are hard, damaged, stressed, scared, pissed off, and floundering some of the time. There's a line in Some Assembly that we are all so ruined, so loved, and in charge of so little. We can't save a single person we love. I hate this! I do not agree to this! Unfortunately, it is the truth. So what do we do, especially those of us with tiny, tiny control issues? Breathe; release; stick together; tell the truth; trust, surrender, cry a little and wait for Grace to help us get our senses of humor back. What do we do about teenagers, or those with Alzheimer's, or--yikes, worst of all--ourselves? Right foot, left foot, right foot, breathe.