You're absolutely right, LA. I have thought long and hard about this situation. It is not that I feel she is entitled to nothing, I just don't know how to give anything to her without a major detremint to myself. I simply cannot take on another 40k loan, on top of child care, on top of her 1000 dollar check every summer to "play" with our D, on top of living a lifestyle that I AM ACCUSTMED TO without a joint income. It is just completely unreasonable and selfish of her to think that I should have to suffer greatly, while she walks away and starts this wonderful new life without any debt, without any past bills and a pocket full of cash. I don't feel I am wrong here.
With that said, I have discussed this in detail with the leader of my small group. He is a very Christian man, and a major real estate agent in our community. We crunched the numbers...the realistic numbers....and it appears the house literally only has 5-10K worth of equity, in the best of circumstances.
Now, that is based on comparable new home construction. Our house is 6 years old. It is all cedar construction and it is currently in need of restaining. Trust me, restaining a craftsman style cedar house does not come cheap. It also has the typical "lived in" house conditions. It could use some paint, some flooring, that sort of thing.
With that said, even if I was to back out ALLLLL of the costs that should be incurred to bring the house up to perfect market listing, there isn't much equity....definitely not $80,000 dollars worth! Therefore, Why does my W deserve 40 grand just because she wan't to call it quits?
