On Wednesday H called to help me fix computer...I had sent text asking a question to which he called me, for the computer and also to talk about S and H's trip to Montana. H decided he wanted to talk again on the subject...two weeks before possible trip.
I feel that I did very very well for myself, I remained calm, detached from H's emotions, I actually asked him to calm himself a couple of times during the conversation, to which he did. We were also able to agree on a plan that H would spend as much time with S before he left so that we as S's parents could better determine how S will be on the trip with H alone for five days, two whole days of flying, something S has never done.
H had agreed to keep me informed of ticket plans on wednesday night to which I have seen no info on as of yet. H was pushing that he needed to get the tickets then because of the time crunch, he in okay and agrees to the discusion that he could be purchasing a ticket for S and we might still decided that it is not idea for him to go at this time.
H started off the discusion saying that I was being selfish, to which I explained to H that I believed that I was trying to make the best decision for S, and that I had not made up my mind yet, I still have not!
H is suppose to try to be at the home to see S next Wednesday on until Monday morning. I have heard no more plans on this at this time. I do see this in the best interest of S as the last time he spent more than 24-36 hours a week with H was in December the week before Christmas. Since BD, in the month of March, he saw him three weeks and one day during the week, the longest stretch was 36 hours. This is concerning because it will be a new environment for S, people he does not know and no other supports with him, time change and two long days of flying with three flights each day. S has just hit major stranger danger stage in which he is very shy and even when S was with my mother the other day, someone he has seen more than H lately, he was extremely clingy to me when I got to my mother's house. Mother could not get him asleep either.
I do understand it would be nice for H to have the time with S, and do agree if S has more time between the 18th with H he will be okay to go on the trip with him. At this time I am concerned about the lack of time together and its affects on S's stability while on the trip.
So the conversation did go well, only thing is when H see's S next week I can not be in the home, during the time or overnight, H's stipulation, I asked H to help me understand this more to which I got from H "you can't fix this" to which I said I did not want to fix it but wanted to understand it. H says 'we' tried it to which I said that he stayed at the home one night four days after he told me he wanted a divorce. In reality the night went well, no contact, no discussion, no pressure from me, he was not comfortable. He was able to say that he was frustrated and frustrated with my behaviors since the BD and that is why I can not be in the home over night with him there too.
We will need to discuss the plan more though. Am waiting for H to call with his schedule, I will not contact him.
But what should I do....H does not have an apartment or place or family in the area, if he wants to spend the night with S I have to leave the home, okay for one night but not two-three plus nights?!
I asked if there could be a compromising of me coming in at 11pm or so and leaving in the am to which he said no.
