Response / Update, First off all let me apologize in advanced, I think I might piss off some people (not my goal just a ‘luck gift’ I have) in responding. It has been a few months since I posted. After I did, I actually shared CeMars lower drive guide, I think all 10 of the suggestions are good and if she would follow some of them I would be much happier. She read them, cried a little, acknowledged that she thought I was unhappy, and promised me she would try harder at the sexual aspects of the relationship.
Since then there has been an increase in sex from a few times a month to once a week or more (I know that many people on here would die to get to that frequency, don’t hate me cause in ‘lucky’). The passion is still low, it feels clinical, and there is still little effort on satisfying my desire for passionate and ultimately satisfying sex. I still make an effort to give her an O every time we ML. Usually I end up getting her aroused up to an O and then as she is in the afterglow, it is my turn. At that point she is willing but not ‘an active participant’. If I just ‘go to it’ without raising her arousal, it is very mechanical and not very fulfilling. I have tried getting her ‘close’ to an O, and then entering but she is disappointed that I didn’t just finish her O. She doesn’t seem to like oral by me, and seldom (almost never) reciprocates. Wow, that’s a lot of sexual details to throw out there….
I bought PM and read 2/3rds of it, personally I thought it was a lot of hooey (read BS), I guess I shouldn’t be so cynical, it may be the right answer for a lot of people, it has sold a lot of copies (lots of people bout mood rings too, wonder how that worked out for them…) so maybe there is something to it. Tim’s response;
Quote Your "problem" really isn't all that complex, it's a pretty textbook case of emotional fusion, leading to a lack of intimacy and desire
Sounds like a sound bite that simplifies and trivializes a complex issue. I’m not expecting a magic pill that solves everything or a simple flip a switch solution. The fact that my situation, of limited sex and low desire by spouse during sex, to some others on the board would be significantly better than the situation that they are in tells something about the variations of issues and problems.
Why do people post on here? I can’t speak to that but I can speak to why I posted, 1) feels good to talk even if you are not sure if anyone listens, 2) for support, even if it is just anonymous voices, it does feel good to hear encouragement, 3) for ideas and suggestions. Tim, thanks for responding but a simple out of the book answer isn’t much help, have these suggestions worked for anyone? (Yeah I know, critical and cynical, good attitude).
Well, latest attempts. Leading up to our anniversary I have been sending a note with a fun activity, homework assignments each day for a week. They are, simple, romantic, fun, things so she knows I am thinking of her and hoping to get her thinking of me in that way. I’m hoping to culminate in exciting sex on our anniversary, and hope not to have the letdowns of past tries. I fear I have become ‘the girl’ in the relationship, and am getting the take it for granted (typical guy) response from her. When I hear of attempts by some of the HD women on the boards, or see the girls in the mall buying sexy things for their spouse/boyfriends I become very jealous. Lets see how it goes, the big day is this weekend. I’m still frustrated and a little resentful that it seems I am putting in all of the 'romantic effort’ with little or no payback.
