LOL! was i ever needy?? i'm laughing now. absolutely! i was just like you!
but, when i stopped looking to him to make me happy (by meeting my need to feel love from him, get attention from him, call me, text me, show me he still loved me, talk about us being back together, etc.), we were able to be nice to each other without a payoff.
so, yes, i was very needy for about 6 months. each day i got a little better (very little but it was progress). the last six months of our separation, i was able to see myself happy without him. THAT'S when he started getting closer to me.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
I hear you, wfm. I type out all my crazy here so I don't let it out IRL. I'm learning to edit my thinking regarding the mindreading and expectations, but sometimes you have to just voice these thoughts so they can go away! I do think that your May deadline for H coming home could be an unrealistic expectation and you wouldn't want to set yourself up for getting hurt on that one. My girlfriend tells me to 'be curious' to try to drop the expectations thing. It's tough though, especially after a long marriage. Because I never expected this after all these years!
WOW... I think I will pat myself on the back today, and just sit tight.
I guess he is missing all of us... first text to d yesterday, then me, and now for him to call and want to get the cat even?... LOL WOW!!
I think I need to go for a walk & release some energy!
Plans tonight... party at the neighbours with other neighbours and friends. Nothing at all for Saturday however.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
the move home in may and april 10 goals, are likely unrealistic, i know. I won't have expecations for either of them. They are just wishful thinking.. trying to have hope, etc.
I think its funny too... type out my crazies here too! As I type, I can recongnize some of the needy, the mindreading, the control... maybe thats a good thing, seeing it!
Reb, explain further the "be curious" statement... not sure of your point.
TX
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
In regards to what SHOULD happen (or expectations) - I'm trying to have an attitude of who knows? what's going to happen and isn't like an amazing mystery?!
Maybe I'll be swept away in an exciting romance, maybe I'll move to another country, maybe I'll have an incredible adventure I never would have had married to H, maybe we'll have a true and deep love and live happily ever after.
Okay it's total bs and tough to practice, but when I remind myself to be curious about the future instead of WHEN is this going to be over... it helps me change my thinking in the moment.
good way to think Reb... I will "be curious" too. I like those thoughts!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Great job WFM. No expectations so you don't get kicked in the kidneys when you least expect it. Yes I understand typing the crazies. I did it for a year straight.
Remember it is a Waltz. Keep dancing only you know your sitch
again... more friendly/workish type calls... h keeps calling back for no real reasons, our work convos aren't pressing issuess or details.. I keep getting off the phone, ending first.
Heading out for a while with D, not going to sit here and wait for him to come and get the cat.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
