Seems my W expects me to sort everything. I get the feeling she annoyed and frustrated because I am not sorting and thinking about every issue that needs to be dealt with as we work slowly towards D (for instance how sharing kids custody will work out). Quite frankly its because I don't want to do some of these things, because it will make the path to D quicker and easier for W. But more to the point, W seems to be wanting me to lead - and does not seem willing to do these things herself.
She wants the D then she can lead it. Don't feel like you have to lead or even help with the process. I wouldn't do anything to blatantly stall because that may tick her off but don't do anything quickly. If it's not something you want then don't do it.
In my own sitch I delay everything and have even told my L to do the same. W has been talking about selling the house since October and I know she wants my help but I'm not going out of my way to do anything. I told her whenever she wants to start picking things up or getting stuff painted I'll help her and I haven't brought it up since. I also said I'd agree to realtor if she finds one. Well, it's been 6 months and house isn't for sale and crap is still all over the place. About a month ago she had a private person asking about house, she asked me for price, I was so busy it took me over a week to figure out a price, by then person had moved on .
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Do I show that I can take the lead and be more decisive (which is something I lacked before now in our R - before i was more controlling in a parent / child style) even though its leading on things I really don't want to do??
You can do this without doing it towards D right? You mentioned the finances, good place to start. Check out your goals, many of them are you leading in places you didn't before. You don't have to lead anything you don't want to lead in.
When W brings up D listen to her and say you support her if this will make her happy but it's her decision and not something you want for your family and leave it at that. You don't owe her anything to help her in leaving you. Let her do all the hard stuff and see what reality is like. Your time is better spent making the changes in you and showing her this new you.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
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