TVS, my S6 still shows no modesty when getting out of the shower. S9 used to, but now that W is here and there he's lost his too. It's become a men's locker room around here. Bikini posters on the living room wall going up soon.
Thank you FY for the lyrics. I believe it was you who posted an Reo Speedwagon song the other day. I'll offer:
Cold as Ice by Foreigner (someone want to attach lyrics?).
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Busy weekend so far. S4 was sick Thursday night (lots of vomiting), so I stayed home with him on Friday. I hate it when the kiddos are sick He seems to be feeling better today though.
H his usual self. Which I should clarify to say his usual MLC self.
Friendly with me, good with the boys, but still strange.
On Wednesday when he was supposed to meet with his "brother", he packed a huge bag full of clothes in the morning to take with him. Weird. I was loading the kids into his car, so I have no idea what he put in the bag.
He wore his work clothes home for the rest of the week. Here's the really weird thing - he took the bag out of his car today and it is either empty or there is hardly anything in it. So... Where the hell is all the stuff he packed??? Bizarre.
This morning he tells me he may go out tonight and Monday night to watch the basketball games. I said okay, I didn't care. He ended up staying home tonight. Didn't say what happened to his plans, and I didn't ask.
He was outside a lot today, seemed to enjoy being out and tinkering in the yard. Planted a few things with the boys, filled all our bird feeders. He has been going outside a lot lately. It seems like it is good for him.
Gearing up for next weekend. He will be away for the opening of trout season, except I think he may be going away with fish face instead. We'll see how strange he acts this week...
That's all for me tonight
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Hey TVS..keeping up with your sitch and always hoping that your H will finally start peeping out of the tunnel. Seems, he's not ready yet. I'm disappointed, to say the least, that he hasn't seen the light yet...But never disappointed in your continued strength and sense of humour which always makes me smile, and obviously carries you through this tough time. I need to detach from your situation as I really feel myself getting emotional about his behaviour. I'm trying to DB your H! I know you love him and of course, I would never wish anything bad to happen...only what I know would be the best thing that could happen...a big wake up call!
Do you think he may be planning on moving out? Seems strange behaviour indeed. Given he has never had the courage to come clean and stop the lying and sneaking around, maybe he intends to leave the home and instead of announcing it, he is slowly sneaking clothes out of the house. Maybe you won't notice, if he's real clever about it...der.
It is disappointing that H continues to be so lost and clueless. I am constantly reminding myself that he is trying to work through all his stuff in his own way, on his own timetable. It's such a long and frustrating process though.
I can't stand all the sneaking around and secrecy. I often wonder how I would ever trust him again given that he has lied about so much for so long.
I didn't even think about the scenario of him sneaking clothes out because he plans on moving out. (I was thinking more it had to do with his trip next weekend) I have believed that his time for even thinking about moving out has passed. But I guess anything is possible with these guys.
When I first read your post, I initially felt upset about the thought of him leaving. And then I thought to myself - why? I'm the one who has suggested he leave in previous conversations. I think what upset me is the thought of him being so underhanded and sneaky right under my nose. I continue to lose respect for him with each passing day.
I had already given his closet a quick scan days ago to see if he packed anything unusual. Nothing really stuck out to me.
At this point, if he wants to leave, then there is the door. I'm sure as hell not going to beg him to stay.
That's what hard about him being here. I try to detach from his nonsense as much as possible, but feel like i need to keep one eye on my back to make sure he's not doing anything harmful. It svcks.
Anyway...
I woke up last night to the sound of H violently vomiting downstairs. Now he has what S4 has. Really hoping S2 and I will not get sick!
Have a good Sunday everyone. The sun is shining here
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
I really doubt your H is planning on leaving. I could see him having a stash somewhere as a safety net for himself, his own security blanket. My H kept his trunk packed with stuff for the three months post BD before he moved out. Like I would discover something and he would have to run with just the clothes on his back.
Also you're very intuitive and you know what he is doing. He doesn't realize that. He would just repeat his pattern again. So as far as future trust goes, you will know if he ever cycles back to this phase of his life and you'll know then what you will want to do about it. Personally I'm like many others here. I couldn't go through this a second time. I'm barely managing once
Ugh! I hope you don't get sick too. Take care of yourself. Here is hoping OW does.
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
Sorry to hear about the sickness in the house. It is the worst kind. Hope my obsevations didn't upset you. I wondered whether I should write that. As an outsider, sometimes things are easer to see, not necessary easier to say. It is mindreading, but I think its important to be prepared and keep a cool head too and not get caught off-guard by his dramas.
I don't think he's planning on leaving, but you never know. They can certainly be unpredictable! I remember -VERY well- his days of pacing around here like a caged animal. The tension around here was terrible.
Now, he seems perfectly content to be here. I guess that is good in some ways, bad in others.
And there is no way I could go through this a second time either.
Gal - I'm glad you wrote that. Sometimes it is so hard when I am in the thick of everything, I often wonder how clearly I'm seeing things. I think... Are my emotions blinding me? Am I missing the obvious?
I love that my friends here keep me on my toes, I wouldn't want it any other way!
H still sick as a dog, and S4 throwing up again after not doing it yesterday. I think my washer and dryer has run almost continually for two straight days. I keep going around the house sanitizing everything with Clorox wipes - door handles, refrigerator handle, toaster buttons, remote controls, even the freaking salt and pepper shakers! I can not afford to get sick!!!
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Hey T, pros and cons for them being at home or being out of the home. Either way, tough stuff.
It cracks me up the way your h slinks around believing that you dont know what he's up to. I give you big props for not saying anything about his outings with his "brother". I know how difficult that is.
And I am glad you make sure to watch your back. These MLCers can do some really crazy things.
I dont believe he is ready to leave. I do think you're right about going away with her, though.
Either way, you just keep doin' your thang cuz you dont want to be in crazytown with them.
I know we've said it before, but it's darn hard not to get sucked into their craziness!
Let me explain a little about this upcoming trip...
Every year (since I have known my H), he would go away for the opening of trout season with his xbf. It was a great guys time, where they would go and fish, drink, and hang out around the camp fire telling funny stories. He always looked forward to it so much.
Now last year, he said he didn't feel like going with him and the usual other guys. His story was that he was meeting a bunch of college buddies close to where they went to school.
Timeline wise, this was about 3 months post bomb. Still very early on, I hadn't found this site yet, though I was already reading info on MLC.
I did ask him questions about the trip, where he was staying, etc. I asked him if his bf from college was going, and he said he hadn't talked to him.
He was very depressed and strange around this time. He told me the night before he left that he didn't want me to call or text him unless it was an emergency. To my credit, I didn't. He didn't contact me either (which he always would just to see how things were, how the boys were doing, etc.)
I will never forget that as soon as he came home, the first thing he said to me after hello was "Hey, thanks for doing what you said you were going to do and not call or text me." If that was a test of sorts, I guess I passed.
As he unpacked, I got to see what clothes he took for the trip. Dress pants? Dress shoes? I asked him about it. He claimed it was in case they wanted to go out somewhere nice for dinner.
You know, what all guys do when they get together for a fishing trip!
So, in his words, he is "doing the same thing as last year." Which to be honest, just hurts me and breaks my heart all over again.
What really upsets me is that I feel that if he put as much effort into our M as he did his A, we could have a great M! Instead, I get zero effort from him. And she gets the royal f-ing treatment.
I am very tired of just waiting for this A to end.
And I can see how they can maintain it, by going away and spending quality time together having fun without a worry in the world. Must be nice.
I don't know. Almost 16 months post bomb, and I'm feeling a bit weary.
On a funny note...
So H has really wanted my attention today, and had said things like "Sorry I'm being such a baby" and "Sorry I'm such a pain."
Put the pinnacle, the best of his requests today was this-
He said how achy and sore his body was, that his legs were in pain. He asked me to rub his hamstrings, and then rub his butt.
Yes, you read that correctly. He specifically asked me to rub his butt. And I did lol!
Now maybe it's just me, but I sure as hell wouldn't ask someone to rub my butt if I wasn't attracted to them at all. AND... If he views me as a parent... Well, I certainly would never, and I mean under no circumstances, ask my parents to rub my butt.
You can't make this stuff up!!!!
Going to relax now, it's been a LONG weekend. He thanked me numerous time for everything and for taking care of the boys so he could rest. Said he really appreciated it.
I know what I would appreciate - a good nights sleep!
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
