Having a rough day today. Starting thinking about W being with OM today, although its still not concrete that she has been physically - just the thought of it, and also the future where my kids may know OM as my Ws partner is eating me up inside. I can feel tightness in my chest when I think about it.

I'm trying not to! I know its no good to have these thoughts, but just having a down day. The fact I feel my wife has checked out her emotions and feelings from me and our R and now giving them to OM is spinning in my head. Feeling a little betrayed and helpless.

I have however realised a few more 180's.

One is that I have a tendency to say I will do something and never get around to it. W commented on this so a big 180 for me is, don't say I am going to do anything if I don't intend to action it. And as soon I say I will do something, do it straight away! I can see this irritates W so its something i need to address right away.

Also, I need to control our finances and get debt paid off. This is a huge stress for us both and I have buried my head in the sand. I am going to the pro-active one here and get this underway and show some signs that change can happen without D.

Me: 38 W: 35
M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs
S8 D5
BD: Feb 13
Still Living Together

I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.