Intro to my fight to save my life.

[Coyote]

Hey there Wideawake,

Coyote here. I'm one of the veterans. However, it's been a while since I've been on this

board. I haven't posted in at least a year or or more. I hope I`m not out of sync here

Indeed, you need to keep things small. You are in shock, your situation is very fresh. You

need to allow yourself a 'large' measure of forgiveness to feel the way you do,

"On Feb 12th my wife told me she wanted a divorce. I was devastated as you can expect as I

had no idea this was coming."

Reminds me of my situation which was back in 2005 (August 19 actually) where I was told, "I'm

in love with you but I'm not in love with you..." Indeed, in the end my marriage was not

saved, but I was. There was nothing I could do about her. However, I have seen many others

change their marriage around, oh ya.

First, you need to begin the process of sorting yourself out. I'm looking at your post and

I'm seeing things like, 'she wants to separate at the end of the school year...' or 'there's

an OM involved.'

This is not easy and it kicks you where the 'sun don't shine.' Especially now. I'm betting it

it's all you can do to just get up in the morning and face the day. I know I was there.

Keep your chin up. Over time, if you make an effort to point yourself in a good direction the

sun will shine again. For now, and for a while ( even at least a year) expect many ups and

downs.

From what I can see about your spouse she's going through a roller coaster ride and there's

nothing you can do to change her at the moment. However, you can start helping yourself out.

First, go see your family doctor. Get a full checkup. These are stressful times. Your body's

taking a beating. Make sure there's nothing like diabetes or whatever creeping up on you.

Also, you may find you may need antidepresants. Talk this over with your doctor. That's not

out of the ordinary in times like this. Many of us have had to go on them for the first 6 to

12 months. Some even more.

Also, start exercising. Get yourself physically active. I wallowed for a few years,

physically, after getting the bomb from my spouse. Regular activity makes a world of

difference here. Your mental state will be much more managable once you keep some sort of

regular, physical activity going.

As well, see a trusted counsellor. Preferably, one who has been recommended by someone you

trust or one that comes highly recommended. Barring that, I will say that many have found the

counsellors on this site to be quite good. Big note here: I am not advertising for Michelle

at all. I'm just going by feedback I've come across over the years. But, the best is if you

have a trusted counsellor you know that comes highly recommended.

I've given all I can for now. Right now, keep it simple. Work on keeping everything simple.

You need to take care of you and you can't do that if you are spreading yourself too thin,

Again, keep your chin up,

Coyote