GB, thank you for sharing your experience. I always thought that by 'condoning' or not taking issue with a bad habit or behavior that I was approving of the behavior. But I used that term early on here & was corrected; condoning suggests control that I do not have over H. I just never thought to apply that to his drinking too. I appreciate the perspective.
I was worried earlier tonight about whether or not to contact H, but he texted me and it's feeling awkward and weird! I feel like I need a WAS manual to reference...
He's luring d17 to her surprise party tomorrow & made excuse about working on her actual birthday (monday).
Then he sends text 'To be clear, I said I might have to work on her bday. I want to be very careful about lying even for this small thing.' Okay that's strange (especially considering his recent history). Plus it's never a good sign when you have to point out 'okay now this time i'm being honest'. Or maybe he's trying to express his intent to be honorable from now on... I just replied 'that's really good. thank you'. It's an out-of-character awkward statement to send, though.
H offered to pressure wash my patio tomorrow for party while I'm at work & I reminded him to bring a change of clothes in case he gets drenched. He just replied that he would & will go to gym to shower & change. Huh? Is he really that uncomfortable or is he trying to show respect for my space or is he sending a message that he wants to stay the heck away from my private quarters?
I understand this is all mindreading and there are no real answers to be had. Just the highs and lows of the last couple days, ending on a WTH? note. I don't think this is a case of 'I can't be satisfied with anything', I've expressed sincere appreciation for H's help. I think he's just trying to feel his way through this new R between us and it makes me laugh a little and cringe at how awkward it is.
Maybe this is something to be learned on my end. I've already stated that he was unwelcome in my home for a long time because of his lies and absence. I guess I sent that message loud and clear last fall and it will be my job to show that I can be relaxed and have a good co-parent or future relationship with him. I replied 'you sure don't have to go to gym :)' But maybe this is pursuing?
This second guessing every move is getting ridiculous!
Goal for tomorrow: be relaxed, PMA, be happy, have fun! Offer love & support to H and all party guests. And have no expectations. If H wants to be all weird that is his choice, I don't need to be weird in return (although it feels a little like rug sweeping).
I think I'm going to extend trust by leaving the house alarm off tomorrow & letting him know he can come inside if he needs anything. Like labug pointed out, I don't have anything to hide.
