Yeah, originally I thought this was unique, but the more I read various threads, the more I see that others are in similar sitch. I think women are more conflicted and feel more guilt. In my W's case, I think she wants both to be single and do exciting things, and she wants the comfort of marriage/family.
My W is not talking about leaving or divorce anymore. But she is not committed to the marriage either -- still not in love, etc.
My DB coach's advice is to do things that show her how happy, exciting, and so forth the marriage can be. So I am both doing many of the DB-ing actions and also doing things to build the relationship. In terms of DB-ing, I do not say I love you to her, I do not ask her where she's been, I am not needy, I don't complain, I give her distance, leave the room first, I do my activities with my GAL, and similar activities. Yet, I also break some of the DB-ing actions: I gave gifts for valentines and B-day, I plan dates, and I initiate sex.
This balance seems to be working in my sitch, and this is Michele's main idea of trying something and seeing if it works.
Sailing,
I have been varying things up a bit like you. I think it is essential to get any improvement in our individual situations. I too have been talking with a DB coach. I think that is pretty wise. They think of ideas we never would. Keep us posted on your flying!
