A New Beginning - after 2 years...

[keep_going]

Thanks, T. Yes, we all have different definitions of love.

I am realizing more and more that even though our marital relationship is over, a successful co-parenting one will require much of the same work needed to fix or be successful in a M. We still need to listen, empathize, understand, compromise, validate, work as a team, find common ground, be kind and cooperative, be open, have good communication. At least that is my definition, but I think not my H's...

I guess I just don't see how if my H was not willing to make any further effort in those areas to fix our M, how he would do so for the sake of successful co-parenting. I don't think he will bring down his walls with me in order to achieve this, so I am very skeptical that we will be successful at it.

I see our future more like parallel paths where he raises the kids in the way he sees fit and I do the same. He teaches them what he thinks about religion, values, life and anything.

For instance - my D5 has been starting to ask a lot about death, God, life after death / Heaven, etc. I wonder what he tells her when she asks him... We both had very similar catholic upbringings, so I assume we will be for the most part somewhat in line in our teachings. Yet, I don't know for sure and my H's walls are too high for him to want to share any of that with me.

I see us reaching basic agreements re. the school they go to, extra-curricular activities, we'll follow our custody schedules peacefully and hopefully we won't interfere with each other's decisions. We'll inform the other on illnesses, any major problems or changes and that will be it.

If he has concerns about something, he won't come to me. He will find solutions on his own and just inform me of the issue and his approach, like he has done so far. I will probably do the same.

Yeah, peaceful parallel parenting with no conflict and no emotional connection of any kind is what I think my H wants out of "co-parenting."

Journaling all of that here has helped me clarify these thoughts so I can let go of any expectations I had of it being any different and I can accept and respect his decision.