just journaling here- HI TO SNODDERLY- i can't seem to find your thread in a quick look around- so if you pass by- hello. just thinking about you other day- having little gems of wisdom to share with us all now or then- thanks for tht.
i got nothin really - took h to airport yesterday. he called to say he'd arrived- i hurried off phone- things to do. still struggle with and wonder if i "should" pick up the phone if he calls or not. rite now- i really just don't even want to think about him. i always feel torn if he calls- but i don't call him unless the house is burning down. i don't feel like i miss him- i just don't even want to think aobut him, this sitch, it , ow , any of it . i don't have anything to say to him or share with him- it's kinda surreal feeling- i just don't feel like even acting like i want to talk to him or share any little events of my life- guess i'm embracing my rejection here and not bothering to feel compelled to "try".
feel that he's down there for one reason only. he says he wants less of me in his life- yet he doesn't just get the he>l out of my life. he wants ow - he wants to be 24, on his way "up" & single & fun & what and who he WAS. i guess he thinks he is having it all- perhaps he is. when he's down there playing "young guy" i don't even want to know him. i can't think of one kind and neutral way to say that- just get away and don't talk to me.
i don't want to jump in with an indictment, or an ultimatum or even be hurtful- i just would like to very neutrally convey that i don't want to know that guy- i am not part of his life when he's down there playing "young" and if that's the way it's got to be- then i'm out (of that anyway)
oh well- any ideas welcome. too tired to twirl even...
xxo
now that i'm here i don't really have anything noteworthy to say- i'll go work in garden and cut you all a break. yay- no rants today , maybe im becoming serene or wise or something good - dare i hope???
