Slowing to a Crawl

[BRNR]

For him, this offer of a demotion (my word) is just a change (his word) in our relationship. I cannot be replaced so he does not want to replace me, only my role in his life. Like keeping your old car to go for a nostalgic drive every once in awhile even though you have bought a new one.

I told him that while I have made no decisions, that I may not be able to accept the demotion and that what he describes does not appear healthy for me or for any new relationship that he would be in.

Portia, I feel you here. I actually got told some of this by my H as well, "I am not looking to replace you, yadda, yadda." And because of the ever increasing distance that is being put between us I am actually worried (not planning) that I will have my own BD with my own H soon.

I think that we LBS's also need to live true to ourselves. Sometimes, the do nothing, be patient, act as if, sometimes I feel it puts us in the situation to lose parts of ourselves, especially if we were outspoken and strong people before. I know I was. But I think the true thing to do is live in the moment sometimes and while you did BD him, maybe that was your true self speaking.

What's done is done. Let it go, and move forward. And always remember, there is not one thing we can or cannot do to change them. So he is going to feel and do what he wants anyway. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try to go forward. Everything will be okay.