Not confused...trying to move forward...

[BRNR]

Papa,

I hear all you are saying. It is really something I don't want to do, and in the end, may be a catalyst for things to progress even more negatively for us. Trust me that it is a hard decision to make, but one that I am prepared to do. It is going to hurt me a lot to do this. I know this. But at the moment, wrong or right for the relationship is not the same as wrong or right for our kids and my future.

I really do love my H, but he is really just only worried about him and him alone. Even his statements that come across about the boys are really about him. Most recently in his last email about the finances, this is what he said.

As with you, I am maxed out. Real talk, I don't know how much longer I can sustain paying the greater portion of bills at the house. I would like to sit down and discuss this with you very soon. Part of my email last week was in regards to this and what the future will be. Yes, this was my decision and yes, I agreed to pay these bills but we did not discuss for how long. The boys are priority! But if I can't pay my own bills I will have to get a second job and my time with them will suffer greatly. I'm not above working two jobs as you know but I am barely surviving here. I have nothing and money is so tight. I never buy groceries and every time I turn around you want me to pay for other things not discussed in our original agreement. And I have done so every time no questions asked. You asked and I provided. But now it is hurting me it major ways. And something has to give or I'll be on the street if this continues.

Never mind that I said I was maxed too, and never mind that our boys live with me (we may be homeless as well if I can't pay for things)...everything in his email is H,H, and more H.

So, I am going to weigh all my options once we have our discussion on Sunday. I am not even sure that I will be able to get what he is giving me should I go through the courts, so we will see. But I am ready to do it, push come to shove.

I pray it doesn't come to that, but by the negative tone in the email, I can only assume it will.

By the way, here is my response to his email, just in case anyone is curious.
I am sorry that you are struggling. Please know that the finances have impacted me as well, so I totally understand where you are coming from. We are both financially obligated to the house an joint debts and I too have concerns of how much longer I can keep going. I am willing to discuss things, but feel that we need to set some time alone together to discuss face to face. I wasn't aware of anything extra I was asking for you to pay for, but do appreciate that you have done so thus far. If you can arrange for us to discuss these matters I will do my best to oblige. Let me know. Thanks.